Category Archives: Uncategorized

I hope she doesn’t sit next to me

As I sat in the Southwest Airlines lounge waiting to board my plane last week, I noticed an unusual older woman.

She wore a flowered blouse, bright with spring pastels, a long earth-toned plaid skirt and around her neck hung a red knit scarf. Her shoulder length hair was held back with a very big bow.

She looked…well…eccentric. “I hope I don’t end up sitting next to her.” I thought to myself. I was looking forward to the time on this long flight to read.

If you’re thinking that I judged her based simply on her appearance, you’re sadly right.

I found a window seat, kept my head down, and my fingers crossed that she wouldn’t choose the open middle seat next to me.

She ended up sitting in the row behind me, along with a teenage boy who looked to be about sixteen. I breathed a sigh of relief and opened my book.

As the flight got underway, I heard her speak to the boy who shared her row, just asking him about his travels. I could tell he was reluctant at first, giving short replies. They chatted a bit and she asked him a bit more about himself. When he answered her questions, she would often reply, “Oh, that’s interesting. Tell me more.”

Bit by bit he opened up. Before long she was asking him about his plans and dreams for his life. And this teenage boy was telling her!

When we landed, the boy and the woman – total strangers two hours ago — hugged goodbye, as though she were his grandmother.

She was warm, kind, and empathic. She had a sweet gift of communication that enabled a sullen, uncommunicative teenage boy to open his heart and his imagination.

And I had judged her.

I hate to admit this, because I think of myself as being open and non-judgmental, but I had made a decision about her based simply on what she wore.

I was wrong. And not wanting to communicate with her was my loss.

That awareness led me to think about how many other times I had decided something, based on incomplete information. How many times had I closed my mind, based on assumptions that turned out to be inaccurate?

And what had that cost me?

Is it possible that you’ve done something similar, and that it’s holding you back in your business or your life?

What are we telling ourselves that may cause us to miss opportunities? What ideas have we become so attached to that we are no longer open to new ideas and possibilities?

Here are four opinions I’ve heard people share in the last week — opinions they are convinced are absolutely “right:”

Millennials are spoiled, self-entitled and can’t contribute anything meaningful to the business world
Connecting on social media is a waste of time
Taking time for networking takes us away from “real” work
Spending money on marketing does no good

Maybe you agree with these opinions, maybe you don’t. My point isn’t to say these opinions are right or wrong. What I’m interested in, for both you and me, is the possibility of blind spots like my own — of reflective assumptions made without all the information, assumptions that may cause us to miss possibilities.

Seeing this oddly dressed woman, followed by the privilege of overhearing her endearing conversation with a typically sullen teenage boy, reminded me of the importance of staying open.

My commitment to making sure I foster an open mindset involves four steps:

Catch myself when I have a strong reaction to something
Ask myself the question, “What am I telling myself about this?”
Be intentional about opening my mind to a new perspective
Re-frame the issue with a more positive viewpoint

So often we think it’s external factors that keep us from what we want, when it might just be our own head trash that gets in the way. That’s actually good news! We have control over our own stuff, and can’t control what’s external.

Here’s to new and improved possibilities in 2015!

Leadership for women entrepreneurs

What are you prepared to do about it?

I had to ask myself that question recently. I’d been ruminating on a business challenge that had me…well…stuck. One thought led to another, which led to another. There were too many moving parts and I found myself going in circles.

But more than that, I found myself complaining about it every time I got together with my closest friends. I was like a broken record. When I look back on it, I’m surprised they were even willing to have dinner with me!

Then I remembered Connery’s character, the crusty old street cop, saying bluntly to Elliot Ness, “What are you prepared to do about it?”

That memory propelled me into action. I still don’t have the issue resolved one hundred percent, but at least I have forward movement.

I’ve seen and heard plenty of business problems and complaints in my work with women entrepreneurs.

I can’t afford to hire good people.
I never seem to have time to do what’s important.
My employees just aren’t motivated.
I just can’t seem to get organized.
My employees won’t work as a team.
I want my business to grow but the marketing people aren’t effective.

Leadership for women entrepreneurs

We can all benefit from talking over the problems and challenges we face; getting input and fresh perspectives is smart. But as women entrepreneurs, in the end, we have to act.

It’s tough to face the reality that we do have choices. Even if all our choices are ugly, frightening or risky, we do have choices.

If what we have been doing (which might be nothing!) isn’t working, making excuses won’t help. It’s time to get out of the rut and do something different. And that likely means coming out of our comfort zone.

The authors of The Oz Principle (a great book about accountability) have a powerful line. “Success comes down to one simple principle. You can either get stuck or get results. Period. Case closed.”

Are you stuck in your business? Your life? A relationship? Do you face tough choices?

Take a cue from Sean Connery.

What are you prepared to do about it?

Take care,

P.S. How much can your revenues increase in just one year if you can get unstuck and grow your business?

I bet that very likely you didn’t get special training in “how to be a woman entrepreneur.”
I bet that despite the “marketing smile” you wear in public, you don’t feel as confident as you look.
I bet you have dreams for your business, that you want it to grow. But sometimes you just feel stuck. And alone.

So I created a 7-session e-course specifically designed to help women get unstuck. Think of it like “The owners’ manual for women entrepreneurs.”

THRIVE! How to Get Unstuck and Grow Your Business

This e-course can help you close the gap between your dreams and your results.

It’s not sexy. It’s not glamorous. It’s the real stuff. It’s step-by-step learning to help you to learn the tools and the process to:

bring out the best in others,
get effective execution and
create a culture of accountability.

A “Balcony Person” made my day

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I could see the audience begin to rise in ovation as the full cast of Les Miserables gathered on stage to sing the powerful final refrain of Do You Hear the People Sing?

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes.

I suppose it’s typical for an audience to affirm the cast of a play with a rousing ovation. What I noticed, though, is that it’s always the people in the balcony seats along the side of the theater who rise first and who cheer the loudest — whistling, cheering and calling Bravo!

I love the Balcony People

There are Balcony People outside the theater too. They are the people who are cheering others on, affirming, encouraging. They offer strength, courage or a simple kind word for no reason at all.

I think it’s sad that we live in a pretty snarky world now. Look at the tabloid covers at the checkout stand in any grocery or drug store. They exploit the most painful moments of people’s lives and shove that into our faces. We, in turn, entertain ourselves reading about other people’s failures or celebrating the criticism and humiliation that’s standard red meat for most reality TV shows.

And while social media has its plus side, it’s also become a place to complain, criticize, and condemn. That’s pretty easy to do, shielded behind the safety of our computer screens. But we don’t need to let ourselves get swept into this current of judgment and criticism.

Sure, there are people who get on our nerves, annoy us, people who do things we don’t like. But we’ll likely never know the pain or the burdens that brought them to the place where they behave the way they do.

We’ll likely never know the heartaches or worries of the person in the car next to us at a red light, the strangers we pass in mall, or the work crews we see mowing lawns.

I do know this: a simple smile, a small gesture of kindness may be the only bright spot in their day.

A Balcony Person made my day

Last week I facilitated a strategic planning session. Sounds like about as much fun as diagramming sentences, doesn’t it? And yet, the day was not just productive but happy and energizing.

The day was happy because Max, the board president, was a Balcony Person. Throughout the day, he interjected words of encouragement, appreciation and affirmation to each board member and to me. His cheerful spirit made my job as the facilitator much easier and lightened the spirits of everyone in the room.

But that’s not all. Two days later I received a hand-written note from Max, saying, “You are tremendous…guided us masterfully…your spirit shone so brightly and set the tone…”

Let me tell you, that simple note made my day. I know there will come a day when I’m discouraged, stuck or just feeling generally miserable and I’ll pull out Max’s note to lift my spirits.

Max is a Balcony Person.

Two kinds of energy

The play Les Miserables is the story of a man who turned his energy from hating to loving. It’s a story of forgiveness and redemption during a time when it was excruciatingly hard to do the former, let alone achieve the latter.

Surely if Jean Val Jean – a man unfairly imprisoned, scorned and hunted for a minor infraction of the law — could turn his heart from bitterness and hate to generosity and love, we can do something as simple as shift our energy from dark to light. Surely we can offer a few words of affirmation or encouragement to a friend, a co-worker or even a complete stranger.

Be a Balcony Person (please!)

Give the gift of affirmation. You may never know the outcome, but your few words of encouragement or appreciation may change a person’s life.

When the beating of your heart

Echoes the beating of the drums

There is a life about to start when tomorrow comes.

Take care,

P.S. Kindness is contagious

The best part of being a Balcony Person is that it’s catching! Your simple act of kindness or warmth will be remembered and passed on.

Here are just four of my favorite ways to be a Balcony Person:

I tell the cashier at the grocery store that I like her nails (those loooong ones, decorated with whatever the upcoming holiday is about)
I pause when I drive by a yard crew taking care of the landscaping and thank them for making the neighborhood pretty
I smile and say hello to the new person who walks into the gym so they will feel welcome
I always ask immigrant cab drivers to tell me about their home country and what it’s like there (they always miss it, and the families they left behind)

It feels so good to be kind! I’m sure I get more out of it than the recipient, because it lifts my spirits and brings joy to my day.

In defense of perfectionism

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My son Tate has always had wisdom beyond his years.

One Christmas, when he was about six, he watched me struggle as I was wrapping a gift. I was using ribbon with velvet on one side, satin on the other. I tried my best to get all the loops and tails to come out with the velvet side up.

That slippery little ribbon wasn’t cooperating.

I don’t think I spewed profanity (surely not in front of a six year old!), but Tate could tell I was getting pretty frustrated. I was on my fourth try, when Tate looked at me – puzzled — and calmly said, “Mom, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Don’t you know all that energy you use trying to be perfect could be used just to have fun?”

Well, uh…I’d never really thought about life like that.

I’ve remembered his wise words ever since and I do attempt to find that delicate balance between perfectionism and knowing when “good enough” is good enough.

And yet…I’m a big fan of perfectionism.

All you have to do is watch the documentary “This Is It” about Michael Jackson to see perfectionism in motion. Watch him bring forth the absolute best from every singer, dancer and musician.

Just listen to k.d. lang sing Hallelujah at the Winter Olympics and you’ll know what perfection sounds like. (If this isn’t perfect, I don’t know what is!)

Daniel Day Lewis is a perfectionist – when he takes on a role, he stays “in character” the entire time the movie is being shot. Yes, he embodied President Lincoln for months, never sliding back and forth from Abe to Daniel. See that movie and you’ll see perfectionism at its best.

Steven Jobs was a perfectionist, and the beauty of his Apple products (not to mention animated movies) are a testimony to his constant quest for innovation.

The Ritz Carlton hotels, Nordstrom’s shopping experience, Valentino gowns are all premium brands that shoot for perfection.

I admire the effort, the dedication, the sense of mission it takes to create these performances, these products, these brands.

Yet it looks to me like we’re declining into a culture that shrugs when things go wrong and says, “Whatever.” We’ve made it fashionable to be wrinkled, rumpled and ragged. We work so hard to protect our own self esteem (and that of our children) that we tell ourselves it’s fine to settle for ordinary, mediocre or even second-rate.

Now before you start throwing things at me, you can definitely make an argument that being an all-out perfectionist is unhealthy. Without a doubt, taken too far, perfectionism burdens our lives with compulsion, anxiety and shame.

At its worst, perfectionistic thoughts can include, “If I make a mistake, there’s something wrong with me,” or “I’m never good enough.” Trying to be perfect at everything, all the time interferes with relationships and stifles creativity.

But I’m not talking about basing your entire self-worth as a person on being a perfect human being. I’m saying, Let’s embrace the pursuit of perfection in our endeavors. Let’s quit accepting mediocrity and keep shooting for the stars.

Striving for perfection doesn’t mean you never make a mistake, it means that you look at every opportunity for improvement.

I’d like to think there’s such a thing as healthy perfectionism (I wonder how many mental health professionals will disagree with me).

Perhaps the determining factor between healthy and unhealthy perfectionism depends on where the desire for perfection comes from. Does it come from fear, from shame, or the constant need for approval? Not healthy. Does it lead to being critical of everyone or everything? Not good.

But what if the genesis of pursuing perfection is a temperament for excellence? Or an eye for the most delightful aesthetics? Or an ear for beautiful music? Or appreciation for impeccable skills? Or the desire to create the highest level of customer service?

If the perfectionistic drive comes from a true desire to be committed to your endeavor, your work or your craft – to do and be the best you can be – then I think perfectionism is a worthy goal.

Like any other strength, perfectionism overused becomes a weakness. When the root of perfectionism is conditional acceptance, we’ve got a problem.

So while I strive to give my best to every worthy endeavor, I still remember my son’s words: Some of that energy I’m using to find perfection I now use just to have fun! I hope you’ll do both too.

Take care, d

P.S. I’m not a therapist, so if being a perfectionist is ruining your life, seek professional help please!

Get lost in the music

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I’ve been driving back and forth to Dallas quite a bit these days, to work with one of my favorite clients.

Door to door, the trip is three and a half hours. Now, I could fly, but then I’d miss the best part: spending that time alone, with the top down on the car and music blasting on the stereo.

Well, I’m not exactly alone. Lots of friends keep me company. Everyone from Kenny Loggins to K.D. Lang, from Paul Simon to Carly Simon, from Boz Skaggs to Pavarotti.

There is no computer in front of my face, no keyboard at my fingertips. No messy papers stacked high, no sticky notes plastered on my computer screen, no annoying Outlook “reminders” popping up with that “ding” that makes me feel guilty about all my incomplete tasks.

No distractions. Just me and the music.

And it’s wonderful.

The wind blows the cobwebs out of my head. The music opens my heart and inspires my imagination.

It never fails — I get fresh perspectives on complex issues or new ideas during those drives. Somehow I just see things differently with the wind in my hair, sun on my shoulders and the music loud.

It’s a creative time. I do my best thinking when I’m not even trying to think.

These road trips teach me two things:

There is always more than one way to accomplish what you want.

There are only seven notes on the musical scale – seriously – seven notes. But throw in sharps, flats and harmonies and these same seven notes create an infinite variety of music. Now add different rhythms, tempos, melodies, harmonies and lyrics and you have an unfathomable diversity of music.

So often we see things only from one perspective, and that’s when we get stuck. We see only one solution, one “right” way. But the diversity of music – all derived from those same seven notes — teaches me that there are limitless possibilities. What might be possible if we applied a new tempo, different lyrics or added harmonies whatever we’re working on?

We could all use more of this creative, strategic thinking time.

Our “thinking time” gets neglected (or buried!) in the avalanche of emails, meetings, phone calls, spreadsheets, tweets and bank statements. But think about this…

Research tells us that behind every story of major advance is a turning point where someone has a useful idea that changes their field or starts a new one. Strategic intuition explains what happens in the mind of whoever has that idea.

Simply put, “strategic intuition” is good ideas. These good ideas most often come to you as flashes of insight, when you don’t expect them — in the shower, in traffic, falling asleep, in your dreams. The fog clears and you see what to do.

So where is your creative space?

If you want to apply new thinking to old problems, if you want to foster those flashes of insight, you have to allow yourself enough “empty space” – time when your mind is not cluttered with the demands of work and life. Get lost in the music!

As we head into those “lazy, hazy, crazy” days of summer, I hope you’ll create a bit of empty space for yourself. It might be a road trip with the top down and the stereo up. It might be parking yourself in a lounge chair on a beach somewhere. It might be sitting on a rock in Sedona.

My hope for you is that you will find whatever feeds your spirit and nurtures your imagination. You’ll uncover new perspectives on old problems. You’ll discover infinite ways to take those seven notes and apply new lyrics and harmonies.

Whatever it is, just rest your mind. Then make beautiful music.

When your To-Do List fails…

Let’s get clear about priorities and lists

Your priorities are guidelines that determine where you spend your energy, your time and your money. I think businesses function best – and we feel less stress — when we are disciplined about three well thought out priority lists.

1) Annual Key Initiatives (relatively static, these shift and change only when you make strategy changes)

Your annual key initiatives define your primary focus – your foremost strategic plans, projects, and ideas you believe will move your company forward. Think of them like energy buckets – they define where you spend your energy, and include things like:

Achieve more visibility in a target market
Create efficiencies through structure and systems
Improve cash reserves (or improve cash flow, or build more equity)
Develop employees’ skills and capabilities
Upgrade technology

2) Weekly To-Do List (these are transient priorities that move you toward your Key Initiatives)

Your Weekly To-Do list is task oriented and each task should move you forward so you can accomplish your Key Initiatives. It’s very dynamic, changing weekly, daily, even hourly. Things get written down, accomplished and scratched off (I love that!). Things like:

Write a press release
Email a proposal to a prospect
Write a new job description
Follow up on accounts receivable
Order new business cards

What’s missing?

Now you’re clear on your Annual Key Initiatives, and you’ve made your Weekly To-Do List. But here’s what gets left out of all this idealistic planning: Real-life Priorities.

Your real-life priorities are what matter most, regardless of the best-laid plans.

3) Real-life Priorities (these come first…no matter what else happens)

Knowing your Real-life Priorities helps you make those difficult decisions about where to invest your energy, time and money (not to mention your heart) when life doesn’t go as planned.

Deciding what comes first, no matter what, can save you tons of stress and keep you from becoming immobilized when there simply aren’t enough hours in the day. Most important, knowing what’s important keeps you from feeling guilty when there’s simply not enough of you to go around.

Here’s a short list of my Real-life Priorities:

Family and friends in distress
Current client needs
High value opportunities
Cash management

Your short list might look different. But I know we’ll agree that there are certain things for each of us that simply can’t be ignored, no matter what our strategic plan and key initiatives are.

I think of my Real-life Priorities like a disaster plan. I live in what’s known as “tornado alley” – so most of us here have a simple plan for what do to, where to go, who to call and what to grab when the weatherman says “Take shelter NOW!”

The plan is already in place and I don’t have to think about it. Having a plan always reduces stress. And that’s what clarifying your Real-life Priorities can do for you.

Life still happens

Yes, we have a Strategic Plan. Yes, we know our Annual Key Initiatives. Yes, we have a Weekly To-Do List, with the top five priorities listed front and center.

And yet, life still happens. Family members need you. Technology and equipment fails. Great opportunities pop up.

So when your To-Do List fails, take comfort in knowing you can rely on your Real-life Priorities to get you through with a minimum amount of stress and guilt.

When Your To-Do List Fails…

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Take care,

P.S. Scientific fact: deciding priorities takes up lots of brain space! When you’re ready to decide your Real-Life Priorities, do it first thing in the morning, before you’ve taxed your brain. You’ll be glad you did!

Darcie Harris

Speaker | Trainer | Champion for Women Entrepreneurs

Category Archives: Uncategorized

I hope she doesn’t sit next to me

Leadership for women entrepreneurs

What are you prepared to do about it?

Leadership for women entrepreneurs

THRIVE! How to Get Unstuck and Grow Your Business

A “Balcony Person” made my day

I love the Balcony People

A Balcony Person made my day

Two kinds of energy

Be a Balcony Person (please!)

P.S. Kindness is contagious

In defense of perfectionism

Get lost in the music

When your To-Do List fails…

Let’s get clear about priorities and lists

What’s missing?

Life still happens

Want to learn more about planning?