As women, we want others to see us as understanding, compassionate and fair, right?

Powerful? Don’t go there.

We were raised to be nice girls. Not to be powerful.

Anxious we’ll be labeled as demanding or hard to please, we often feel hesitant to assume appropriate power.

I’ve seen women walking on eggshells with their staff, or nearly held hostage by employees, fearful of articulating responsibility and expecting accountability.

I’ve seen women make excuses for employees who do not live up to expectations, don’t produce enough or simply do mediocre work while the company suffers and the bar gets lowered for everyone on the team. I’ve seen women taken advantage of by vendors, contractors, even clients who are tough negotiators.

We struggle with setting limits, expressing expectations and taking care of own needs.

We do all these things because we’re avoiding our legitimate power.

But if power is so bad, why is everyone trying to empower women?

I don’t think women need to be empowered.  I think we already have power and often give it away or avoid it.

Because we’ve developed a negative perception of power, we avoid our power, until we come face to face with the reality that we are swimming in self-doubt or have settled for less than we deserve.  Our negative perceptions of power lead to living someone else’s version of what we should or shouldn’t do.

When we abdicate our power, we create a vacuum of leadership, without recognizing that our team members and staff would respect a more assertive, confident position.

What’s the answer?

My best lessons about authentic, appropriate power didn’t come from business books or business training. My best education about power came from … horses!

When I finally learned to ride, at the ripe age of forty, I learned that in every herd of horses, there is a dominant horse, the horse recognized to be in charge. This horse is always a mare.

She’s known as the Alpha Mare.

Her duty is to tend to the safety and well-being of the entire herd. She signals the entire when to move, sleep, eat, drink or run for safety. She disciplines unruly youngsters, teaching them respectful behavior.

The Alpha Mare has a great responsibility; the herd depends on her to make wise choices and enforce reasonable rules. The entire herd looks to her for leadership, structure and discipline.

Alpha Mares don’t need to be empowered.  They know they have power and they don’t squirm over using it.  They don’t worry about what the other horses think of them. They certainly don’t try to avoid or give away their power.

They embrace their power. They lead.

How can we be more like the wise Alpha Mares?

• We can shift our perception of power from negative to positive.
• We can quit looking to others to empower us.  We already have power.  Just embrace it.
• We can and let go of the fear of what others think of us, express our expectations and get comfortable setting limits and boundaries.
• We can use our power to lead.

As business leaders, we have the power to facilitate teamwork, to inspire employees to discover their talents and pursue their dreams.

We have the power to influence others, to lead others to achieve what they might not accomplish otherwise.

We have the power to create jobs and to improve our communities.

Power isn’t bad — abuse of power is.

It’s an honor to be like the Alpha Mare.

Embrace your power and use it for the greater good.

By Darcie Harris ©