Category Archives: Personal Growth

Photo Journal of What Rwanda Can Teach Us

I’ve spent the last week thinking about how to put in perspective the lessons learned on this second journey to Rwanda.

The women there think they are learning from us, and I believe they do.  But we learn from them as well.

So maybe I can tell this story of what Rwanda can teach us in pictures.

Let me begin with the obvious:  each country is different, having been shaped by its own history, traditions, geography and natural resources.  The story of Rwanda is worth learning (please go deeper than what you find on Wikipedia and read A Thousand Hills) because while most people associate it with violence and tragedy, this is a country that teaches resilience, pride, forgiveness and redemption.

The nam549 mountains & miste Rwanda actually means “land of a thousand hills,” and as you drive north toward Volcanoes National Park, you can see why.  While it is not blessed with some of the natural resources of its neighboring countries (diamonds, oil, copper) it is blessed with beauty and fertile soil.

What natural resources are you blessed with?  How can you make the most of your inherent gifts, fostering and improving them, until you develop a mastery?

601 farmers plotThis volcanic base is what makes the land so fertile.  Once outside of the city, lush farms can be seen in every direction.  But farming isn’t necessarily easy.  Notice the volcanic rocks to the side of this neatly tended crop.  This work of tilling the soil and removing the rocks is done by hand, mostly by women.  The rocks are set aside, hopefully to be re-purposed – perhaps used to build a fence – or sold which brings the subsistence farmers much-needed cash. What are the rocks in your fertile soil?  Are you willing to do what is hard, to go through the laborious process to remove them, to improve what you grow?  How can you make the most of the rocks that are removed?

When the crops are harvested, they are taken to market.  People who live outside of the city do not own cars, which makes the trip to market strenuous.  This looked like back-breaking work to me, and but I saw people smiling everywhere.  They take pride in their work.  Yet I can’t help but hope for a new distribution method to take hold here!

924 carrots to market922 cauliflower to market

 

 

 

 

 

What’s the back-breaking part of your business?  Is there a way to collaborate with others to lighten the load?  Are you open to new ideas about how you might do things a bit differently?  Or are you stubbornly attached to what you are doing “because we’ve always done it that way?”

Once at the market, sales are strictly cash.  The technology for point-of-sale credit card transactions isn’t available yet, though hopefully it will be within a year.  Cell phones, however, are quite widely used, so 627 market, brightenedjust imagine what the new Square technology will do for these merchants, allowing them to accept credit cards on the spot, using simply a cell phone connection. Are you making the most of any and all new technology that could increase your sales?  How do you stay up with trends in technology?

You can’t talk about Rwanda without talking about the gorillas, which are one of the country’s beloved natural resources.  President Paul Kagame foresaw that tour811 silverback closeupism could be a major factor in economic development.  Tourists come from all over the world to hike into the Virunga mountains to spend just one hour with the gorillas in their natural habitat.  Of course, for a country to attract tourists, it has to offer services that are up to the standards and expectations of visitors.  The government initiated a national campaign to teach excellent customer service. 587silverback

What are you doing to train your staff to provide excellent customer service?  Have you defined what “excellent” means, so that all employees have a shared understanding?

Kigali, the capital of Rwanda, is known for how safe and clean the city is.  Each morning, women sweep the streets of any debris that has drifted into 751 sweeping street, compressedthe roads.

 

 

Is there a morning ritual you and your staff need to implement, to begin each day with clean and fresh start?

644 fabric wall

 

I am tempted to say that I included this photo just because it’s so vibrant and colorful.  This is a decorative wall in a charming coffee shop, using small pieces of traditional African fabric to look almost like a brilliant bookshelf.

 

Beauty and cheer have a value in and of themselves.  Work need not be dreary!  What can you do to make your work world more colorful and cheerful? 

Cocoki co-op1, compressed

The women of Cocoki sewing cooperative are developing quite a name for themselves.  The women make all decisions together, and have begun exporting their creations to notable retailed in the U.S., such as J Crew and Nicole Miller.

 

No matter where we are, no matter who we are, no matter what we do, we are connected.  We are all sisters, we are all in this together.  Let’s reach out to one another to share wisdom, encouragement and the gift of friendship. 

Take care, d

Journey to Rwanda…almost

It’s 7:00 pm in Johannesburg and I’m sitting in the BidAir Airport Lounge.  This is the precise time my plane was supposed to land in Kigali.  Clearly that didn’t happen.

Whether it was due to the weather delay (as I was originally told) or mechanical problems (as I was subsequently told), the end is still the same.  I got rerouted and am taking a detour via the end of the earth on my way to Kigali.

I thought I was going one place and ended up in another.  

I’m guessing that has happened to you, and not just related to airline travel.

You had plans.  You had dreams.  You had it all worked out.  Then the universe didn’t cooperate.

It’s in these moments, these unexpected detours, that we discover — or decide — who we are.

There is a time for unambiguous pursuit of our plans and dreams.  There is a time for resilience, strength, sheer force of will. We give it all we’ve got.

Yet there is also a time to recognize the inevitability of things beyond our control.  There is a time to see the gift in the detour.

Life is very much about how we handle these obstacles, these detours.

I think it’s very much about the willingness to speak up and say what you want — and that first, lonely step is saying it to yourself — and the ability to accept what’s beyond your control.

Thats the situation i found myself on my journey to Kigali.  Finding that delicate balance of pursuing the original plan — asking, questioning, pressing, even insisting that the airlines try harder — yet in the end, having to accept that I was not going to get my way, and recognizing that pressing further would only cost me my own internal peace..

That’s when you decide to simply make the most of the detour, which is what I’m doing right now in this lovely lounge in Johannesburg.

If you want to discover more about who you are, and the clarity of your plans and dreams, I hope you’ll join me for this powerful webinar.

 

I Stand With Sheryl Sandberg

I’m a little worked up today.  Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg seems to have rocked the world with her new book Lean In I’m shocked that her encouragement of women could be controversial.  What’s the controversy about?

“We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising our hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in,” says Sandberg.

She’s talking about female executives, and I’ve seen the same behavior in female entrepreneurs.  In fact, I write about some of these same points in a white paper about why women run smaller businesses than men.   I developed a deep and substantive workshop specifically to help women look inside at what’s holding them back, to get clear on their expectations, learn to find their voice, embrace their power and stop playing small.  (Stay tuned…coming in April.)

What I find so troubling about the controversy is that it’s female journalists and bloggers criticizing her, implying that she’s “blaming” women.   Blaming them for what?

From Sandberg’s TED talk and what I’ve seen of her subsequent speech at a graduation ceremony, I hear her saying that women sabotage themselves at work in ways that men do not.  She is not denying that some workplace cultures make it harder for women to succeed.  I think there’s a difference between saying something equivalent to, “Let’s take a close look at our own behavior and how we contribute to the problem” and “blaming women.”

Women turning on one another is just one more way we sabotoge ourselves.

I think Sandberg’s LeanIn circles are a great idea.  My company, EWF International, has been creating and facilitating these peer advisory groups for fifteen years . The members learn from one another, through open requests for input and honest feedback.   Notice I said honest, not brutal.  The women are there to help one another, not criticize.

Let’s agree that there is more than one factor contributing to the fact that women still earn only 77 cents on the dollar.  Let’s agree there is more than one factor contributing to the fact that self-employed women earn only 55% of what self-employed men earn.

Then lets’ take responsibility for our side of the street, quit making excuses, and pointing fingers.  Let’s learn to embrace our power, live the lives we really want, and earn what we deserve.  And please, let’s quit criticizing each other on the journey.

Create a Better Life for You & Yours

Create A Better Life for You & Yours

Our Alpha Mare Academy is a collection of e-courses and podcasts, designed to help you become the best business owner you can be!

If you like what you hear, and want to go deeper — discover more about your true purpose, clarify your plans and dreams and embrace your full potential, check out our e-course, The Alpha Mare: Embrace the Grace of Power.

In case you prefer to read, here’s the transcript:

Hi I’m Darcie Harris, and I want to personally welcome you to The Alpha Mare Academy

I’ve worked exclusively with female business owners since 1999

I’ve seen how hungry they are for the knowledge and tools they need to be successful and live the lives they want.

I know how much they want to grow themselves and grow their businesses.

That’s why we launched the Alpha Mare Academy.

We call it The Alpha Mare Academy because much of what I learned about myself and being leader came from my experience with horses.

In every herd of horses, there is one horse recognized to be in charge.

That horse is always a mare!

It’s a great responsibility to be The Alpha Mare

It’s her duty to tend to the safety and well-being of the entire herd.

The other horses look to her for leadership, boundaries and wise choices.

The Alpha Mare is self-assured, strong, and confident.

She leads with grounded, authentic power.

That sounds a lot like what it takes so be a business owner, doesn’t it!

It takes courage to be an entrepreneur, so The Alpha Mare Academy is all about strengthening YOU.

Teaching you the skills, providing you the tools, and most important, helping you grow yourself. Since you’re listening to this, I can already tell that you are a woman who wants to learn and grow, so let’s get started.

You’re listening to CREATE A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU AND YOURS

Have you ever seen the movie Shirley Valentine?

Pauline Collins plays Shirley, a middle-aged Liverpool housewife, who finds herself talking to the wall while she prepares her husband’s dinner, wondering what happened to her life.

One of my favorite lines from the movie is when Shirley looks directly into the camera, as if she were talking directly to you, and says, “You know, we don’t really do what we want in life. We do what we have to do, and we say it’s what we want.”

Wow, what a powerful “aha moment” Shirley had.

Shirley, of course, is a fictional character, but Gloria Steinem said something similar in her autobiography, Moving Beyond Words. She said, “…I’d been responding to outside emergencies for so long that I’d lost what little I had of the muscle that allows us to act instead of react…”

Both women, real and fictional, speak to the harsh reality of living on auto-pilot.

What’s interesting to me is the contrast in their lives of both “too little” and “too much.”  While Shirley was bored and living in a world that grew smaller and more shallow each day, Gloria’s life was full and expansive — yet the demands left her burned out and fragmented.

There are consequences to not living intentionally.

That’s why today we’re talking about how to create a Personal Vision for your life. This Personal Vision will become like a compass that guides you, helps you choose your direction and stay on course.

Imagine that you’re going to take a trip. What the first thing you do? You choose where you want to go, right? You don’t just go to the airport and see which flights are leaving.

So if I’m planning a trip, I have to be aware of what kind of experience I want. Do I want to veg out at the beach for a week, fall asleep in a lounge chair in the sun reading a book? Or on this trip, do I want to explore an exotic city and learn something about a new culture? Maybe I’d like an outdoors-type trip, with hiking, horseback riding, white water rafting.

Actually, each of those trips sounds like fun to me. But if your life works like mine, I’m not able to go everywhere I want, so that means having to make choices, to prioritize. So I have sort of a mental list of the top five places I’d like to visit. Then, if a friend calls and say, hey, would you like to go to camping in Wyoming this fall, I can quickly scan my top five travel wish list and see that, no…camping in Wyoming is not on that list. Now I could still go, but that might mean that the resources of time and money can’t be devoted to Cape Cod that year because I’ve spent those resources on camping in Wyoming.

Everything else about your trip flows out of your decision about your destination. The route you take, whether you fly or drive, how long you plan to be away, the kinds of clothes you take — all these choices will depend on where you want to go. How would you know whether to pack shorts and tank tops or turtlenecks and fur lined gloves if you didn’t know your ultimate destination?

There is no right or wrong decision. The point is, you get to choose your destination. You get to choose your experience. You get to choose based on your own curiosity, your own inner longing, your own idea of fun, relaxation or adventure.

That’s the point of having a personal vision. You are imagining, creating and choosing your ultimate destination.

Creating a personal vision is your opportunity to dream, to consider all the possibilities, to think big. If you have a personal vision, you prevent the possibility of simply living on auto pilot, then waking up one day and realizing there were things you wanted to do, places you wanted to see, people you wanted to know and experiences you want to have…but it’s too late.

The important part of your personal vision is not the final vision. The important part is listening to yourself. The important part is being intentional. The important part is being aspirational.

Let’s take that vacation metaphor a little farther, just to make a point. Imagine a friend invites you to take a trip with her. You have no input in the planning and when you arrive you discover that you’re saying at charming little bed and breakfast in the mountains. But what you would really enjoy is a luxury resort with a spa, a pool. My point is, if you don’t choose, you may get something considerably different than what you hoped for.

Over the last five, maybe ten years, there has been much published and been quite a bit of talk about visioning – about dreaming big dreams. I love the idea of dreaming and thinking big. I love it for myself and I love seeing other women really explore their full potential.

I also think in this time of consciousness about vision, there is a wave of what I might call new-age thinking – oversimplified ideas that make it sound as though all you have to do is put a thought into the universe and something will happen.

I call that magical thinking. And I’ve seen people become very disappointed, very disillusioned when they “put their thoughts into the universe” and…nothing happened. So while I don’t want to burst any bubbles here, I do think that achieving your vision takes a bit more than just putting the thought into the universe. Some people work very hard at it, others sacrifice quite a lot. It depends on what your vision is.

When we start talking about a vision, part of the fun is thinking big, really dreaming big dreams. But let’s differentiate those big dreams from what I would call an escape fantasy. I have escape fantasies too! When life gets too demanding, too many deadlines, too much too do for too long, I always think that I’d like to live at the beach. Of course, there’s no stress at the beach! But when push comes to shove, I realize that I want to live right where I am, I’d just like to be better at avoiding those times when all my deadlines collide.

In his book Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert say that research shows that we not only have trouble foreseeing future events but we have more trouble foreseeing how we will feel about them when they happen.

So it’s difficult to accurately predict what our IDEAL life would look like, because we may never have experienced anything close to it, so how do we really know we’d like it?

For example, I have a friend who wanted to be a nurse from childhood on, but ended up doing HR and being a comptroller. At age 57 she decided to act on her dream, her vision. She sold everything — her house and most of her furnishings — so that she could quit her job and go to nursing school. She studied hard for two years. Believe me, it wasn’t easy memorizing pharmacology terms and anatomy at age 57, but did it. She graduated and went to work for a hospital. And you know what? It turns out she hated nursing. More accurately, she enjoyed nursing but hated the bureaucracy of the medical systems.

It turns out that she’d knew so little about what nursing was really liked that her dream, her vision was not very realistic. So she accomplished her dream but in the end it really wasn’t what she was looking for.

Some of us don’t really know what our dream is … there are too many choices.

That’s why it’s important to go deep, not to be misled or fooled by surface desires.

I also think there’s a difference between having a vision for maybe ten, fifteen or twenty years in the future and having a vision for what we’d really like our lives to look like, feel like and live like in the near future. Those are two very different visions.

So for this visioning exercise, instead of asking you, “picture your ideal life,” or “what is my dream life?” – which may lead you to a very false or unrealistic picture, I’m going to start with a simple question.

What does a better life for you and yours look like?

I think asking the question this way gives us an opportunity to aspire, to dream and still be grounded in reality.

I like using a 4-step process for getting to your Personal Vision. I’m going to walk you through the four steps right now, TO OUTLINE THE PROCESS, then I’ll go over them in more detail.

So right now, whether you are listening at your desk, in your care, walking the dog, maybe waiting at the airport, just ask yourself:

  1. What does a better life look like for me and my loved ones?
  2. Then, just take the first thought that comes to mind and turn that into a picture – not an abstract thought but a picture. For example, if you said, “More money” that means different things to different people. Does that mean you need to replace an aging car? If so, picture your new car. Does it mean that you want a bigger house? If so, picture the type of house you dream of. Or does it mean peace of mind about your retirement? If so, picture your IRA statement with the balance you’d like to see!
  3. Now that you have that picture, get a picture in your mind of where you are in the present, so to follow the examples I just used, picture your current car, your current house or your current IRA balance.
  4. Then get a visual picture in mind of what moving forward from the present to the future looks like. What action do you need to take? What do you need to do? Is there something you need to learn? Does it mean getting more new clients? Would you need to hire someone to supplement your skills? What will move you forward from your current reality to your desired vision?

So that’s a quick overview of how the FOUR STEPS TO CREATING A BETTER LIFE FOR YOU AND YOURS works. Of course, you’ll want to spend some time really reflecting on your personal vision. So let’s go through this in more detail.

1) Let yourself be in a reflective space, a place where you have some time to think and create, a place where you are uninterrupted…ask yourself, What does a better life look like for me and my loved ones?  Don’t force this…you need to be in the right frame of mind and it can’t be contrived.

For me, that “open space” happens at unexpected times…in the shower, driving, and especially on a plane.  That’s perfectly fine, just keep notes about what you think during those times.

Maybe I’m just oppositional, but if I try to MAKE it happen, what comes out is stiff and contrived.

2) As you imagine what “a better life” looks like for you, convert your thoughts into a picture. We want to go from some abstract, intellectual thought process to a very real, tangible image.

WHY ARE THE IMAGES MORE IMPORTANT THAN WORDS? Creating a mental picture helps you get specific. So, if your first thought about a better life was “less stress,” then take that another step and say “what does less stress look like?” Does that mean I spend more time relaxing, reading, watching a movie, enjoying friends? Get an actual picture in your mind.

Perhaps part of your “better life” includes a vacation home somewhere. Get an actual visual image in mind. Be as specific as possible.

Concrete images are less abstract than words, and that makes them more real and makes them easier to remember.

For example, if I asked you, “remember the definition of justice” and “remember the house you grew up in” which memory would be easiest to retrieve?

3) As these images come to you, create a story board. Now I hesitate to say this, because I can just imagine you thinking, “Yeah, right, in my spare time I’m going to do something equivalent to a 6th grade art project!”

This isn’t meant to be stressful, so just be easy on yourself.  You can collect pictures from anywhere. It’s especially easy to do this online.  Or if you read magazines, you can notice them in magazines.  If you’re good at sketching, just sketch out your image that represents your desire. It’s up to you.  Collect your images in a file or a folder, either an electronic folder for photos.

What I’ve done for my storyboard is very simple. I used my iPad. You can copy any image on your iPad or tablet to a photo folder specifically for your Personal Vision –that’s all it takes, just have those visual images where you can look at them.  Ultimately you’ll want an actual story board. Or do it the old fashioned way and put them up on your refrigerator with kitchen magnets. Do whatever feels best to you.  What we’re getting at is I want you to be able to see those images on a regular basis.

4) What I’d like you to end up with is a visual image for

  • Your ideal dream
  • What current reality is now
  • What making progress looks like

For example, if your dream vision includes a beach house, find a photo of one in a magazine or online.  Then snap a quick photo of your current home.  Then look for a photo of something that represents moving toward your dream house.

During the time you are reflecting on the question, “What does a better life look like for you and yours?” here are a few areas to consider. It’s easy to focus just on the material, because that IS more concrete, but for your vision to be inspiring, you’ll find that the key to a more rewarding life is going beyond the material. Give some thought to each of these areas:

  • Business or Professional life…how many hours a week do you want to work? Do you want to include less business travel or more? What monthly income do you want? What are the sources of that income? What staff do you want?
  • Financial or Material things…what would you like to own that brings a better life for you? Would you like a college fund for your children, and if so, how much? What amount do you want in your retirement fund? Do you want to own rental property, and if so, how many? What is your vision for being debt free?
  • Relationships…describe what you want your relationships to look like. Describe your friendships. Do you have a partner or spouse, and what would ;you like that relationship to look like?
  • Lifestyle & Recreation…how much travel would you like? Where would you like to go? What do you want for relaxation, fun or recreation? Do you enjoy having friends over for dinner? Do you like to attend educational or intellectual events, like book clubs or hearing speakers or authors?
  • Community…What type of community involvement do you want? Would you like to be politically active? Do you have a favorite volunteer or service project?
  • Spiritual Needs…what keeps you grounded to your values? Do you want a relationship with a church or religious institution? Do you desire a regular or daily meditation or prayer time?

I really do want you to be easy with yourself in this process. I’ve done exercises like this before and been given a handout with a circle divided into equal pieces, like slicing up a pie. Each portion was identical in size and each portion was labeled supposed to represent a specific area of my life.

I found myself very resistant to that. I understand that most of us want some type of balance in our lives, but I think when we start prescribing for others that their lives should fit into neat little boxes, it makes them feel imperfect or inadequate because real life is much more uneven and bumpy. Maybe right now your business is taking up a disproportionate space in our life. Or maybe you have young children who take a disproportionate amount of your time. Please, please, do not beat yourself up for this. You may want to adjust and tweak, but let’s be real.

This is real life, not some idealized version.

ACTION So now you have a sense of your Personal Vision. Keep your storyboard where you can see it regularly and use it to help you make decisions.

Every single day brings choices about how we spend our time and our money. When you have your vision outlined, begin each day with the question, “How is what I am doing today moving me toward my vision?”

Some things you are doing simply won’t fit.

At this stage — where you take action to move in the direction of your dreams — you need to be very aware of any stories you may have in your head that could keep you from achieving your vision. A story is similar to a belief – it’s something running the background – something you may not be conscious of — a story or a belief — about the kind of person you are…

For example, you might be a person who believes it is important to be on time. Somewhere in your subconscious, you have a story (a belief) that says, “I’m the kind of person who is on time.” Conversely, if you’re a person who is frequently late, you have in your subconscious a story that says, “I’m the kind of person who is always late.” Stories can work either for or against us.

As you work with your Personal Vision statement, when you create the vision of what you want, you have to have a corresponding process that allows you to change the story in your head that say, “I’m the kind of person who can do this…”

For example, if your vision is to make $250,000 a year… do you have a story somewhere that would run counter to that? If you do, that would sabotage you, without you really knowing it. You have to change that story. (Just a side note here…to learn more about the stories in your life, look on our website for the series called The Alpha Mare: Embrace the Grace of your Power.)

Revisit your vision regularly and adjust it as your desire and priorities change.

Life is dynamic, not static. Life changes. Desires and tastes change. Our families change. Your vision may shift and change over the course of your life. So our vision needs to change and adapt too.

What matters is whether you are listening to your own that the inner voice, your own inner longing, or to the voices of others, to the voices of society, convention or family expectations.

I hope that your Personal Vision ENERGIZES and inspires you. I hope it lifts your thoughts, your spirits and your aspirations. Most of all, I hope it helps you create a meaningful life that brings YOU happiness.

As we close, know that you can always count on The Alpha Mare Academy for resources to feed your mind and your spirit. We’re here to help you think big and learn. We’re here to help you go deeper, and embrace the grace of your gifts and your power so that you can achieve your full potential. So please visit us again at ALPHAMAREACADEMY.COM. And know that I am wishing you the best as you pursue your version of success!

Why is Everyone Trying to Empower Women?

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As women, we want others to see us as understanding, compassionate and fair, right?

Powerful? Don’t go there.

We were raised to be nice girls. Not to be powerful.

Anxious we’ll be labeled as demanding or hard to please, we often feel hesitant to assume appropriate power.

I’ve seen women walking on eggshells with their staff, or nearly held hostage by employees, fearful of articulating responsibility and expecting accountability.

I’ve seen women make excuses for employees who do not live up to expectations, don’t produce enough or simply do mediocre work while the company suffers and the bar gets lowered for everyone on the team. I’ve seen women taken advantage of by vendors, contractors, even clients who are tough negotiators.

We struggle with setting limits, expressing expectations and taking care of own needs.

We do all these things because we’re avoiding our legitimate power.

But if power is so bad, why is everyone trying to empower women?

I don’t think women need to be empowered.  I think we already have power and often give it away or avoid it.

Because we’ve developed a negative perception of power, we avoid our power, until we come face to face with the reality that we are swimming in self-doubt or have settled for less than we deserve.  Our negative perceptions of power lead to living someone else’s version of what we should or shouldn’t do.

When we abdicate our power, we create a vacuum of leadership, without recognizing that our team members and staff would respect a more assertive, confident position.

What’s the answer?

My best lessons about authentic, appropriate power didn’t come from business books or business training. My best education about power came from … horses!

When I finally learned to ride, at the ripe age of forty, I learned that in every herd of horses, there is a dominant horse, the horse recognized to be in charge. This horse is always a mare.

She’s known as the Alpha Mare.

Her duty is to tend to the safety and well-being of the entire herd. She signals the entire when to move, sleep, eat, drink or run for safety. She disciplines unruly youngsters, teaching them respectful behavior.

The Alpha Mare has a great responsibility; the herd depends on her to make wise choices and enforce reasonable rules. The entire herd looks to her for leadership, structure and discipline.

Alpha Mares don’t need to be empowered.  They know they have power and they don’t squirm over using it.  They don’t worry about what the other horses think of them. They certainly don’t try to avoid or give away their power.

They embrace their power. They lead.

How can we be more like the wise Alpha Mares?

  • We can shift our perception of power from negative to positive.
  • We can quit looking to others to empower us.  We already have power.  Just embrace it.
  • We can and let go of the fear of what others think of us, express our expectations and get comfortable setting limits and boundaries.
  • We can use our power to lead.

As business leaders, we have the power to facilitate teamwork, to inspire employees to discover their talents and pursue their dreams.

We have the power to influence others, to lead others to achieve what they might not accomplish otherwise.

We have the power to create jobs and to improve our communities.

Power isn’t bad — abuse of power is.

It’s an honor to be like the Alpha Mare.

Embrace your power and use it for the greater good.

By Darcie Harris ©

My Embarassing Near-Drowning Story

It took near-drowning for me to learn tht working harder is a trap

by Darcie Harris

red flag.jpgLike most 17-year old girls growing up in southern California, I spent weekends at the beach. My girlfriends and I would pile into a car and head to 17th Street at Newport.

We slathered ourselves with a toxic combination of baby oil and iodine to acquire just the right color summer tan. (I’m dating myself, right?)

Of course the real purpose for our beach time was not tanning. We went there to meet boys.

I loved to swim, and in those days I was a good swimmer. But my girlfriends rarely went into the water. Why? Because you’d get your hair wet. Who wants to meet a boy when you have wet hair?

One day I did the very thing you are never supposed to do — I went into the water alone.

I swam out beyond the breakers, and cooled off. After a while, I noticed I couldn’t see my friends on the shore. I had ended up much farther out than I usually went.

I started to swim back in. But no matter how hard I swam, I couldn’t get any closer. I just kept swimming harder.

My arms burned. My legs burned. I was gasping for breath.

I paused to tread water, to catch my breath, and that’s when I saw the red warning flag at the lifeguard station.

It was a rip tide. A strong undercurrent was pulling me farther out and farther down the beach.

By this time I could barely breathe. I was exhausted but I started swimming again.

How dumb is this? I was about to drown but my 17-year old pride wouldn’t let me admit I was in trouble or, heaven forbid, look weak by yelling for help.

Thank God a lifeguard saw me bobbing around like a cork and dragged me in so that I could live to tell this humiliating tale.

It took nearly drowning for me to learn one thing.

Trying harder isn’t the answer.

I hope it doesn’t take near-drowning in work for you to learn that working harder isn’t the answer either.

Our business lives are increasingly demanding. The economy may be improving in some places, but it’s still a very competitive marketplace. Technology changes and improvements keep all of us scrambling to keep up. Social media has become a black hole we can fall into, emerging hours later with…what?

The myth is that if you work harder, you’ll finally get on top of things.

Let’s finally face the fact: if you are a female business owner or executive, there will always be more work than you can finish.

Instead of swimming harder, try these four things:

  1. Get very clear on your goals and what you want out of life. Make two lists: what are the five most important desires in your personal life and what are the five most important goals in your professional life. Then make sure that your professional goals will get you to your personal goals.
  2. Change your strategy — and perhaps even your business model — to make sure you reach those personal and professional goals. Think strategically about how you can work smarter and not harder. What can you delegate, outsource or stop altogether? Ruthlessly analyze what gets results and what doesn’t, so you know what to stop.
  3. Be ruthlessly diligent about prioritizing. Each week list out your Top Five Priorities and your Top One of Five. Use that as a guide to make good choices about what goes on your to-do list.
  4. Quit feeling guilty about saying “no” to things that don’t add joy or value. Make peace with knowing some things won’t get done. If it doesn’t move you toward your personal goals or your professional goals, this may not be the time or the season for it. No need to feel guilty about that!

I was reminded of this lesson that “Working Harder is a Trap” when I met a friend for a drink this week.

She told me that when she first started in her current business, she worked lots of extra hours — nights and weekends — thinking she’d “get ahead of the workload.” She was single and didn’t mind, so for two years she worked like a dog.

Then…she met a guy. Lo and behold, she’s found more to life than working! “It’s a trap,” she told me. “There’s no such thing as getting ahead of the workload. Looking back I can see now I had unrealistic expectations about what I could accomplish. Working harder just meant more work.”

Is a rip tide pulling you farther out to sea?

Falling in love was my friend’s “red flag” that working harder was not getting her what she wanted. What’s your “red flag” to indicate that you’re caught in a rip tide, and that swimming harder won’t help?

So, all you female entrepreneurs, if you’ve already figured out that working harder isn’t the answer, tell me what you do to help you make those tough choices about what to pursue and what to stop. I’d love to know! Leave me your comment below. Don’t forget to Get your free Webinar – “Working Harder is a Trap” and write your own job description!