Category Archives: Leadership

Communication: “Can you bring me a screwdriver please?”

Leave a reply

communication skillsEver wonder if your communication skills are as good as you think they are?  Sometimes even the simplest things get misunderstood.  Listen to this…

I’m on a late night phone call from a consulting client.  She’s had a long day of meetings, and decided to swing by a restaurant she owns and sit by their outdoor fireplace as we debriefed the day.

In the background, I hear her flag down a waitress and ask, “Can you bring me a screwdriver please?”

We talk for a bit, and soon I hear laughter.  Then I hear the waitress apologizing.  Then more laughter.  They are hysterical!

I’m so curious that I’m trying to see through the phone line to figure out what has them doubled over laughing.  “What in the world is going on there?”

She’s laughing so hard she can hardly get the words out.  “The waitress brought me a tool box!  I asked for a screwdriver — I just wanted a cocktail!  She brought me an entire toolbox!”  communication skills

I’m now I’m laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my face.  She’s laughing, the waitress is laughing, and I suspect they had drawn a crowd by now.

So as you can see, even the simplest communication can be misunderstood.

We all agree that good communication is one of the most crucial skills of leadership.  Whether you realize it or not, you set the tone for communication throughout your entire company.

So maybe we can’t take even the simplest communication for granted.

EIGHT-POINT COMMUNICATION CHECKLIST

As a leader, how are you doing in each of these eight communication skills?

1)      Authenticity:  Nothing destroys trust faster than lack of authenticity. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Authenticity doesn’t give you license to blow up or berate (we all have those urges!).  It does mean that you can express feelings of disappointment or concern.  It means that you don’t over-promise and under-deliver.  People will remember what you say, so be very sure you mean what you are saying. 

2)      Balance advocacy with inquiry:   Much of a leader’s job involves “telling and selling.”  Be sure to balance out your advocacy with inquiry, with getting others opinions.   And listen!  Stretch to understand what each person is saying.  Just as important, what are they NOT saying?  Use “active listening” skills, which means you reflect back what you believe you heard.  You check in, “Am I understanding you correctly when I hear you say that …” Ask good questions:  There is tremendous healthy power in asking the right questions.  Ask what slows people down, what is inefficient in the system.  Ask for ideas.  Ask what they need.  Ask what they expect.  Stop selling and start listening.

3)      Context matters:  Once again, the screwdriver…here’s the back story:  that waitress knew that the restaurant owner is quite particular about the patio furniture, and had recently mentioned some of the fittings were loose.  Given that context, she seriously thought that the owner wanted to tighten up the screws in the furniture.  Hence…she brought her a toolbox instead of a cocktail!  That’s called “context.”  Check in to understand the larger context of what’s being discussed and you’ll save yourself lots of frustration.  (Though you might miss a few laughs!)

4)      Shared meaning:  Repeat back what you heard and make sure you clarify.  For example, you might say, “We need this project completed fast.”  Well, what does “fast” mean to you?  Does is mean right now, drop everything and do it?  Or does it mean by the end of the month?  Clarify to make sure your words have shared meaning.  (Like screwdriver = cocktail vs. screwdriver = tool!)

5)      Early and often:  When people don’t have information, they fill in the blanks themselves.  And most of the time, they fill that gap with something negative.  Especially when change is in the works, keep people informed.  Speak to the issue as soon as possible and keep people updated. 

6)      Disagree and debate:  You want an environment where people can feel comfortable to disagree and debate issues, priorities, strategies and methods.  Jim Collins found this characteristic to be one of the most significant factors in the most successful companies. 

7)      Who needs to know What by When?:  One of the biggest complaints of employees (customers too!) is that they feel like they don’t have all the information or are not kept informed.  With every project or decision, ask yourself this question:  Who needs to know What by When?  That positions your employees to do their best work.   

8)      Undiscussables:  Nearly every organization has topics considered to be “undiscussable.”  These are the very topics that can sink you.  Undiscussables sap energy and create gossip (because people are talking about them anyway, just not to your face).  Create a culture where it’s safe to draw out the very topics that people are scared to bring up.

We’re going to tell that funny screwdriver story for a long time.  (And create more laughter, which is a good thing, because we all need more laughter.)

But beyond the comedy, here’s the real point:  Foster a climate of authentic, clear and open communication with employees, with vendor and with customers.  Your employee and your customers will all benefit!

Communicate with me too, right below in the comments section.  Got a funny miscommunication story?  I’d love to hear it!

Take care,

Darcie Harris

Maybe Oprah & I disagree about planning

Leave a reply

PlanningI know a woman who left a lucrative (though unrewarding) job and moved to another city to pursue her dream of opening her own business. 

After a particularly bad day at the office, and one more frustrating episode with a miserable boss, she ducked out early, drove home, dropped down on the sofa and turned on Oprah. 

During that show, Oprah said the magic words: “Do what you love and the money will follow.”

The woman quit her job the next day. On hope alone, within a month, she sold her home, moved and opened her business.

Trouble is, the money didn’t follow.

I know a lot of women entrepreneurs who do what they love, and the money hasn’t followed.

At the risk of getting on Oprah’s bad side, I think there’s a lot more to running a successful business than, “Do what you love and the money will follow.”

So what’s the answer?  It’s not magic and it’s not complicated.  You absolutely, positively, unequivocally must have a plan.

 Time after time, research has proved that entrepreneurs who engage in strategic planning are more profitable and more successful than those who do not.

One simple thing stops most women entrepreneurs from creating a strategic plan:  they don’t know how. 

That’s exactly why I created my new e-course.

Strategic Planning Made Simple

It’s not magic.  It’s common sense, step by step instructions on:

  • Who should participate
  • When to plan and how often
  • What questions to ask and answer
  • How to define and measure goals
  • What to track and measure
  • How to use your plan to get better results

And there’s more!  You’ll get three easy-to-use planning templates.  Half the work is done for you!  (Okay, I’m exaggerating…not half — but the templates DO save you hours of time and energy.)

Strategic planning has so many benefits that entire books are written on the subject.  Here are the top three:  

  1. you’ll take control of your future
  2. you’ll identify and prioritize opportunities
  3. you’ll make better decisions about how to spend your time and money

Please don’t be like the women who, on hope alone, risked her financial security with no planning and believed the money would magically follow.

Start today to turn your dreams into reality with a PLAN.  (The secret?  Break your dream into bite-size pieces.)

Check it out today, just click, “Tell me more…”

  Tell me more

Stop struggling and start planning!

Take care,
Darcie

P.S. Can you tell I’m excited about helping you turn your dreams into reality?  In fact, I’m so determined that if you sign up TODAY I’ll give you a FREE 45-minute coaching session! 

Are ambitious women are less feminine?

4 Replies

Ambitious womenI’ve been stewing about this for a week now.  I’m writing today in defense of ambition.  Specifically, in defense of ambitious women.  (Next week I might tackle defending perfectionism!)

Here’s why…

Last week, a close friend of mine spoke to me about his nephew, who is about to graduate from law school.  “I’m so proud of him.  He’s smart, he’s ambitious and he’s going to have a great career ahead of him.”  

The next day, a woman friend confided she felt troubled by hitting a speed bump in her career path.  “I think some of my co-workers – especially the women — didn’t like me because I am ambitious.  And because I’m not petite, they felt intimidated.”

Between her ambitions and her stature, she actually ended up feeling less feminine.  Her revelation was like a knife in my heart.  This woman is lovely, inside and out.  She’s competent, smart, and yes, she’s ambitious.  She’s also very feminine.

Her ambition makes her passionate about doing a good job, about doing what she was hired to do, and doing it to the best of her abilities.

Why do we admire ambition in men, but not in women?    

I’m curious…if someone described you to a friend and said, “She’s ambitious,” would you consider that a compliment?  Or would it make you feel less feminine?  Would you rather others describe you as pretty?

It’s time to rethink the stories we tell ourselves about ambitious women.  What is the source of our beliefs?  Is it time to challenge our own assumptions?

It’s time to realize that we will only be comfortable with the ambitions of other women when we get comfortable with our own ambitions. 

It’s time to be honest, too.  (This might hurt!)  Women have always been ambitious.  In years past, we just projected that ambition elsewhere.   We proudly chose ambitious spouses and felt pride in their career advancement and financial success.  We were ambitious about our children’s accomplishments.  We were ambitious about our material possessions — our homes, the clothes and jewelry we wear.

It’s time to embrace our own ambitions.

We don’t need to live out our ambitions through others.  You might have big career ambitions.  You might be ambitious about your creative gifts.  You might be ambitious about your community service.  Good for you!  We don’t all have to be alike.

As for me, I am nothing short of profoundly grateful for all the ambitious women who have changed the world, one small step at a time.  Ambitious women like:

  • Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx.  She began the company with $5,000 of her personal savings and launched a global company, providing thousands of jobs.  She’s now the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire.  Are we going to hold that against her? 
  • Frances Perkins, our first female cabinet secretary, serving as Secretary of Labor from 1933 to 1945.  Before she left her mark, our country had no child labor laws, no social security system, no unemployment insurance and few safety laws.  Without Frances (I feel like I should call her Ms Perkins) our country might still have labor conditions like we see in Bangladesh, where people are forced to work 12 to 14 hour shifts in unsafe buildings.
  • Candice Lightner, who founded MADD — Mothers Against Drunk Drivers — after her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver.  Thanks to her ambition, estimates show that drunk driving has been cut in half. 
  • Serena Williams…enough said!

These ambitious women have each changed the world in their own unique way. 

I believe ambition is a strength, and any strength overused becomes a weakness.   Ambition becomes dark when the source of that ambition is purely ego or personal gain.  Ambition turns sour when we use or abuse other people for our own gain.

But ambition fueled by a desire to live out our full potential or born from a longing to serve the greater good is an admirable quality, for both men and women.

As we celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8th– a global holiday honoring women and the contributions of women around the world – let’s all celebrate the accomplishments of ambitious women! 

Celebrate by telling an ambitious woman you admire her!

No, I don’t believe being ambitious makes you less feminine.  I believe it can make you MORE feminine.

My hope for you is that you will proudly embrace your own ambitions, whatever they are, and use them for the greater good.

“A (wo)man’s worth is no greater than the worth of his (her) ambitions.”  ~  Marcus Aurelius

Take care,

Darcie Harris

 

P.S.  Do you need a jump start to help you get comfortable with your own ambitions and embrace your full potential?  If so … you might like my e-course The Alpha Mare: Embrace the Grace of Power.  Check it out!

Tell me more...

Does being ambitious make you less feminine?
Click To Tweet

The Alpha Mare: Women and Power

1 Reply

Women and powerAs women, we want others to see us as understanding, compassionate and fair, right?

Powerful?  Don’t go there.

Fearful of perceptions and stereotypes, even the strongest women sometimes perceive power as being negative.   Anxious we’ll be labeled as demanding or hard to please, we often feel hesitant to assume appropriate power.

I’ve seen women walking on eggshells with their staff, or nearly held hostage by employees, fearful of articulating responsibility and expecting accountability.  I’ve seen women make excuses for employees who do not live up to expectations, don’t produce enough or simply do mediocre work while the company suffers and the bar gets lowered for everyone on the team.

I’ve seen women taken advantage of by vendors, contractors, even clients who are tough negotiators.

We’re raised to be nice girls.  We don’t want to make waves.  The result?  Because power can be scary, we abdicate and give away our legitimate power in ways we can’t even see.  We struggle with setting limits, expressing expectations and taking care of own needs.

I think we develop this negative association of power from what we see in movies, literature, television or in the news.  Power is dramatized or heightened to get headlines and top ratings.  We only notice power when it’s overused, misused or abused.

When power is appropriately used, it’s often invisible.  

So we avoid our power, until we come face to face with the reality that we have given away our genuine power, settled for someone else’s version of what we should or shouldn’t do, or behave as though we have no choice.

When we abdicate our power, we create a vacuum of leadership, without recognizing that our team members and staff would respect a more assertive, confident position.

What’s the answer?  My best lessons about authentic, appropriate power didn’t come from business books or business training.  My best education about power came from … horses!

When I finally learned to ride, at the ripe age of forty, I learned that in every herd of horses, there is a dominant horse, the horse recognized to be in charge. This horse is always a mare.  She’s known as the Alpha Mare.

Her duty is to tend to the safety and well-being of the entire herd.  She signals the entire when to move, sleep, eat, drink or run for safety.  She disciplines unruly youngsters, teaching them respectful behavior.

The Alpha Mare has a great responsibility; the herd depends on her to make wise choices and enforce reasonable rules. The entire herd looks to her for leadership, structure and discipline.

Alpha Mares don’t squirm over their legitimate power and they don’t worry about what the other horses think of them.  They certainly don’t try to avoid or give away their power.

They embrace their power.  They lead. 

How can we be more like the wise Alpha Mares?

First, we can to shift our perception of power from negative to positive.  We can and let go of the fear of what others think of us, express our expectations and get comfortable setting limits and boundaries.  We can use our power to lead.

As business leaders, we have the power to facilitate teamwork, to inspire employees to discover their talents and pursue their dreams. We have the power to influence others, to lead others to achieve what they might not accomplish otherwise.  We have the power to create jobs and to improve our communities.

Power isn’t bad — abuse of power is.

It’s an honor to be like the Alpha Mare!  Embrace your power and use it for the greater good.

Get unstuck so your business can grow

Leave a reply

Frustrated woman entrepreneurSo far this week I’ve met with two women entrepreneurs who are consulting clients and they both have the same problem.

They want their business to grow and they’re stuck.  They work hard – both of them are putting in 60+ hours a week.

They are so busy with day-to-day tasks and responsibilities, that just getting through their weekly “To Do” list or fighting fires consumes all their time and energy and then some.

More time won’t solve their problem.

Their businesses are too dependent on them. 

Is your business too dependent on you?  Until you start to break this dependence, your growth will be limited.  (And you may be overworked!)

Here’s the good news:  learning one important (and overlooked!) concept will help you break this dependence.

What’s that concept?  Some functions make your business successful short term and some functions will make it successful long term.  You, as the owner, need to focus on the functions that will make your business healthy, effective and efficient long term.

Turning over the short-term functions will make your business less dependent on you.  Because short-term needs crowd out long-term needs every time.

If we neglect the things that move the company forward long term, we stay stuck in the endless loop of trying to keep up with daily tasks that someone else could do.

Here’s an example of the functions that make your business successful in the short-term:

  • Accounting, payroll and benefits administration
  • Administration (systems, procedures, policies)
  • Sales (bet that surprised you!)
  • Operations

Here’s an example of the functions that will make your business successful in the long-term:

  • Staff development, training & teamwork
  • Strategic planning
  • Marketing (anticipating the market & future customer needs; innovation)
  • Finance

That list of long-term functions is where you as the leader should be spending most of your time.  To begin to break the company’s dependence on you, start with staff development and training.

Now that you know this, it’s time to make a plan to delegate or outsource everything you possibly can from the short-term list.  (I can hear you groaning!)

  • “My employees don’t know how to do these things as well as I do.”  You’re right, they probably don’t.  Your job is to teach them.
  • “No one here understands these procedures like I do.”  Right again, the processes and procedures are likely all in your head.
  • “I can’t afford to hire someone or outsource.”  I understand.  You’ll have to get creative and think about how to create new revenue with the time you free up.

Let me assure you, these thoughts are all completely normal!

You won’t get there overnight.  But picture your company a year from now and imagine how different it can look.

Start small.  Choose one thing and work toward letting it go.

Think about all the knowledge and information you are carrying around in your head!  Once you free up some of that mental space and you can focus on how to create new revenue.

Begin right now to document processes and procedures.

Just start.  You don’t have to create an entire Procedures Manual in one sitting.  Commit to documenting one process every week.  Get things out of your head and write them down.

The famous management consultant W. Edward Demming (he’s the guy who saved the Japanese auto industry after WWII) says it this way:  “If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you’re doing.”

Strong words, I know.  But though we may not be aware we have a “process” behind what we do and the decisions we make, we actually do.  It just comes so naturally to us that it’s hard to define.

But you can!  Break down your own thinking process and write it down.

Take the time to train others, not just what to do, but why, and how to make decisions.  Commit to teaching one employee something new each week.  Teach them what you do, how you do it, why you do it, what factors you consider when you make your decisions.  Teach them to think.

Now that you have the awareness, you’ll see your business through different eyes.  Separating long and short-term functions is your first step toward making your business less dependent on you.

Then you can grow! (Or chill out on a beach somewhere!  Send me a postcard.)

 

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Hiring Decision

1 Reply

Her name was…well, maybe I’d better just leave that out.Signature:baed3687aecc9fc02b05e033f52ab04b5ac34144c6f0702c4e0cfe36f9d34041

She was young and had tons of energy and enthusiasm.

She had a degree in adult education – a great fit for my market, since we educate professional women.

She had potential (we’ll come back to that).

And I hired her with high hopes about what she could accomplish.

It didn’t turn out that way.

First it was task deadlines being missed.  Then it was writing assignments that were so grammatically mangled I had to re-write entire pieces.  Then it was late to staff meetings.

Then…oh yeah, you know what’s coming.

The drama.  Tears about an old boyfriend, excuses because she wasn’t getting enough sleep, and a full blown anxiety attack that culminated in collapsing on my sofa. I’m not kidding.

I’m a really compassionate person.  I’ve been trained as a lay counselor and my women entrepreneur clients have been telling me their problems and secrets for years.

But if you’re my employee?  I really don’t want to be your counselor .

I want someone to complement my skills and strengths.  I want another pair of hands to help get the work accomplished.

I want someone who can begin with the basics, then bloom and grow.

But this misfire was 100% my responsibility.

I made a classic hiring mistake.  I thought we clicked and hired based on a gut feeling.

I subconsciously attributed qualities to her that I wanted her to have.  I saw potential! (It’s like the bad boyfriend thing.  Sometimes we get attracted to the wrong people and we’re just plain blind.)

I didn’t ask the right interview questions.  I really didn’t ask her specific questions about what she had  accomplished in previous positions.

Because I saw this young woman with potential, it felt rude to press for details.  Because I wanted HER to like ME I didn’t ask her to give examples of what she did well.

And — this was the killer – I didn’t check references.  That felt just plain uncomfortable.

It felt like saying, “I think you could be completely scamming me about how wonderful you are, so I need to ask someone else if you’re as great as you tell me you are.”

But I was wrong.

It’s not rude to ask pointed questions.  It’s not impolite or discounting to ask for samples of someone’s work or verification of accomplishments.

And it’s definitely not insulting to ask a third party to validate what a total stranger has told you.

No more flakes in my company.

My terrible, horrible, no good, very bad hiring decision was years ago.  Since then I researched, I studied and I learned how to do it right.

I’ll be teaching the nine specific steps to making good hiring decisions in a webinar on September 26th, so come on by!  You’ll even get customizable templates for job descriptions and interview questions to ask.

And that young women, the one with potential?  I have every hope that she has matured and grown into a wonderful, capable employee!

Take care, Darcie