Author Archives: Darcie Harris

Communication: “Can you bring me a screwdriver please?”

Ever wonder if your communication skills are as good as you think they are? Sometimes even the simplest things get misunderstood. Listen to this…

I’m on a late night phone call from a consulting client. She’s had a long day of meetings, and decided to swing by a restaurant she owns and sit by their outdoor fireplace as we debriefed the day.

In the background, I hear her flag down a waitress and ask, “Can you bring me a screwdriver please?”

We talk for a bit, and soon I hear laughter. Then I hear the waitress apologizing. Then more laughter. They are hysterical!

I’m so curious that I’m trying to see through the phone line to figure out what has them doubled over laughing. “What in the world is going on there?”

She’s laughing so hard she can hardly get the words out. “The waitress brought me a tool box! I asked for a screwdriver — I just wanted a cocktail! She brought me an entire toolbox!”

I’m now I’m laughing so hard I have tears rolling down my face. She’s laughing, the waitress is laughing, and I suspect they had drawn a crowd by now.

So as you can see, even the simplest communication can be misunderstood.

We all agree that good communication is one of the most crucial skills of leadership. Whether you realize it or not, you set the tone for communication throughout your entire company.

So maybe we can’t take even the simplest communication for granted.

EIGHT-POINT COMMUNICATION CHECKLIST

As a leader, how are you doing in each of these eight communication skills?

1) Authenticity: Nothing destroys trust faster than lack of authenticity. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Authenticity doesn’t give you license to blow up or berate (we all have those urges!). It does mean that you can express feelings of disappointment or concern. It means that you don’t over-promise and under-deliver. People will remember what you say, so be very sure you mean what you are saying.

2) Balance advocacy with inquiry: Much of a leader’s job involves “telling and selling.” Be sure to balance out your advocacy with inquiry, with getting others opinions. And listen! Stretch to understand what each person is saying. Just as important, what are they NOT saying? Use “active listening” skills, which means you reflect back what you believe you heard. You check in, “Am I understanding you correctly when I hear you say that …” Ask good questions: There is tremendous healthy power in asking the right questions. Ask what slows people down, what is inefficient in the system. Ask for ideas. Ask what they need. Ask what they expect. Stop selling and start listening.

3) Context matters: Once again, the screwdriver…here’s the back story: that waitress knew that the restaurant owner is quite particular about the patio furniture, and had recently mentioned some of the fittings were loose. Given that context, she seriously thought that the owner wanted to tighten up the screws in the furniture. Hence…she brought her a toolbox instead of a cocktail! That’s called “context.” Check in to understand the larger context of what’s being discussed and you’ll save yourself lots of frustration. (Though you might miss a few laughs!)

4) Shared meaning: Repeat back what you heard and make sure you clarify. For example, you might say, “We need this project completed fast.” Well, what does “fast” mean to you? Does is mean right now, drop everything and do it? Or does it mean by the end of the month? Clarify to make sure your words have shared meaning. (Like screwdriver = cocktail vs. screwdriver = tool!)

5) Early and often: When people don’t have information, they fill in the blanks themselves. And most of the time, they fill that gap with something negative. Especially when change is in the works, keep people informed. Speak to the issue as soon as possible and keep people updated.

6) Disagree and debate: You want an environment where people can feel comfortable to disagree and debate issues, priorities, strategies and methods. Jim Collins found this characteristic to be one of the most significant factors in the most successful companies.

7) Who needs to know What by When?: One of the biggest complaints of employees (customers too!) is that they feel like they don’t have all the information or are not kept informed. With every project or decision, ask yourself this question: Who needs to know What by When? That positions your employees to do their best work.

8) Undiscussables: Nearly every organization has topics considered to be “undiscussable.” These are the very topics that can sink you. Undiscussables sap energy and create gossip (because people are talking about them anyway, just not to your face). Create a culture where it’s safe to draw out the very topics that people are scared to bring up.

We’re going to tell that funny screwdriver story for a long time. (And create more laughter, which is a good thing, because we all need more laughter.)

But beyond the comedy, here’s the real point: Foster a climate of authentic, clear and open communication with employees, with vendor and with customers. Your employee and your customers will all benefit!

Communicate with me too, right below in the comments section. Got a funny miscommunication story? I’d love to hear it!

Take care,

Maybe Oprah & I disagree about planning

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I know a woman who left a lucrative (though unrewarding) job and moved to another city to pursue her dream of opening her own business.

After a particularly bad day at the office, and one more frustrating episode with a miserable boss, she ducked out early, drove home, dropped down on the sofa and turned on Oprah.

During that show, Oprah said the magic words: “Do what you love and the money will follow.”

The woman quit her job the next day. On hope alone, within a month, she sold her home, moved and opened her business.

Trouble is, the money didn’t follow.

I know a lot of women entrepreneurs who do what they love, and the money hasn’t followed.

At the risk of getting on Oprah’s bad side, I think there’s a lot more to running a successful business than, “Do what you love and the money will follow.”

So what’s the answer? It’s not magic and it’s not complicated. You absolutely, positively, unequivocally must have a plan.

Time after time, research has proved that entrepreneurs who engage in strategic planning are more profitable and more successful than those who do not.

One simple thing stops most women entrepreneurs from creating a strategic plan: they don’t know how.

That’s exactly why I created my new e-course.

Strategic Planning Made Simple

It’s not magic. It’s common sense, step by step instructions on:

Who should participate
When to plan and how often
What questions to ask and answer
How to define and measure goals
What to track and measure
How to use your plan to get better results

And there’s more! You’ll get three easy-to-use planning templates. Half the work is done for you! (Okay, I’m exaggerating…not half — but the templates DO save you hours of time and energy.)

Strategic planning has so many benefits that entire books are written on the subject. Here are the top three:

you’ll take control of your future
you’ll identify and prioritize opportunities
you’ll make better decisions about how to spend your time and money

Please don’t be like the women who, on hope alone, risked her financial security with no planning and believed the money would magically follow.

Start today to turn your dreams into reality with a PLAN. (The secret? Break your dream into bite-size pieces.)

Check it out today, just click, “Tell me more…”

Stop struggling and start planning!

Take care,
Darcie

P.S. Can you tell I’m excited about helping you turn your dreams into reality? In fact, I’m so determined that if you sign up TODAY I’ll give you a FREE 45-minute coaching session!

Are ambitious women are less feminine?

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I’ve been stewing about this for a week now. I’m writing today in defense of ambition. Specifically, in defense of ambitious women. (Next week I might tackle defending perfectionism!)

Here’s why…

Last week, a close friend of mine spoke to me about his nephew, who is about to graduate from law school. “I’m so proud of him. He’s smart, he’s ambitious and he’s going to have a great career ahead of him.”

The next day, a woman friend confided she felt troubled by hitting a speed bump in her career path. “I think some of my co-workers – especially the women — didn’t like me because I am ambitious. And because I’m not petite, they felt intimidated.”

Between her ambitions and her stature, she actually ended up feeling less feminine. Her revelation was like a knife in my heart. This woman is lovely, inside and out. She’s competent, smart, and yes, she’s ambitious. She’s also very feminine.

Her ambition makes her passionate about doing a good job, about doing what she was hired to do, and doing it to the best of her abilities.

Why do we admire ambition in men, but not in women?

I’m curious…if someone described you to a friend and said, “She’s ambitious,” would you consider that a compliment? Or would it make you feel less feminine? Would you rather others describe you as pretty?

It’s time to rethink the stories we tell ourselves about ambitious women. What is the source of our beliefs? Is it time to challenge our own assumptions?

It’s time to realize that we will only be comfortable with the ambitions of other women when we get comfortable with our own ambitions.

It’s time to be honest, too. (This might hurt!) Women have always been ambitious. In years past, we just projected that ambition elsewhere. We proudly chose ambitious spouses and felt pride in their career advancement and financial success. We were ambitious about our children’s accomplishments. We were ambitious about our material possessions — our homes, the clothes and jewelry we wear.

It’s time to embrace our own ambitions.

We don’t need to live out our ambitions through others. You might have big career ambitions. You might be ambitious about your creative gifts. You might be ambitious about your community service. Good for you! We don’t all have to be alike.

As for me, I am nothing short of profoundly grateful for all the ambitious women who have changed the world, one small step at a time. Ambitious women like:

Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx. She began the company with $5,000 of her personal savings and launched a global company, providing thousands of jobs. She’s now the world’s youngest self-made female billionaire. Are we going to hold that against her?
Frances Perkins, our first female cabinet secretary, serving as Secretary of Labor from 1933 to 1945. Before she left her mark, our country had no child labor laws, no social security system, no unemployment insurance and few safety laws. Without Frances (I feel like I should call her Ms Perkins) our country might still have labor conditions like we see in Bangladesh, where people are forced to work 12 to 14 hour shifts in unsafe buildings.
Candice Lightner, who founded MADD — Mothers Against Drunk Drivers — after her 13-year-old daughter was killed by a drunk driver. Thanks to her ambition, estimates show that drunk driving has been cut in half.
Serena Williams…enough said!

These ambitious women have each changed the world in their own unique way.

I believe ambition is a strength, and any strength overused becomes a weakness. Ambition becomes dark when the source of that ambition is purely ego or personal gain. Ambition turns sour when we use or abuse other people for our own gain.

But ambition fueled by a desire to live out our full potential or born from a longing to serve the greater good is an admirable quality, for both men and women.

As we celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8th– a global holiday honoring women and the contributions of women around the world – let’s all celebrate the accomplishments of ambitious women!

Celebrate by telling an ambitious woman you admire her!

No, I don’t believe being ambitious makes you less feminine. I believe it can make you MORE feminine.

My hope for you is that you will proudly embrace your own ambitions, whatever they are, and use them for the greater good.

“A (wo)man’s worth is no greater than the worth of his (her) ambitions.” ~ Marcus Aurelius

Take care,

P.S. Do you need a jump start to help you get comfortable with your own ambitions and embrace your full potential? If so … you might like my e-course The Alpha Mare: Embrace the Grace of Power. Check it out!

Does being ambitious make you less feminine?

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My hair and your marketing

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Last week a friend dropped by unexpectedly after work. The first thing she said was, “I really like your hair that way. It’s smoother. It looks good.”

Seriously? I laughed and said, “You’re kidding. This is ‘bed hair!’ I went to the gym early, then went directly to my desk, where I’ve spent the entire day.”

“No, really,” she said. “I really like it that way.”

Well, of course, being a pushover for compliments, I deliberately blew my hair straight and smooth.

Two days later I attended an open house at her business. Her assistant, whom I hadn’t seen in a few months, waved hello, then walked over to chat.

“Something’s different,” she said. “I think it’s your hair. I really just want to mess it up, make it look windblown.” She actually reached toward me, like it was all she could do to keep her hands off my hair!

Really? One person likes my hair flat and smooth; the other likes it spiky and tussled. Which just goes to show you: you can’t please everyone.

My hair and your marketing

What does my hair have to do with your marketing? You can’t please everyone either. (I don’t know about you, but I hate that.)

That’s why it’s so seriously, definitely, unbelievably important that you know clearly who your target market is.

You have to know your market inside out. You have to know both what they want and what they need (which may not be the same thing!).

Know how they think
Know what they feel
Know their values
Know where they shop
Know what they read
Know where they hang out
Know how they spend their time
Know what keeps them awake at night and
Know what brings them joy.

Because knowing all this will guide everything in your business. First and foremost, it will guide what products and services you offer. Then it guides your pricing. After that, it will guide your marketing strategy, marketing energy and marketing dollars.

Your marketing success depends on it

Nothing is more important to the success of your business than knowing who your target market is. It’s the only way you can differentiate yourself and get any marketing traction.

Here’s an example: let’s say you’re a financial planner. You sell a huge variety of financial products, anything from mutual funds, stocks and bonds, retirement investments, annuities, life insurance and more. Most everyone over the age of 22 needs something in that list.

If I ask, “Who is your target market?” and you tell me, “Everyone needs financial planning,” you are going to run yourself ragged trying to meet both men and women from age 22 to 95 and still only be marginally successful.

Your marketing pieces will be watered down and generic.
Your educational events will lack focus and guidance.
You’ll be attending a gazillion networking events – everything from “Meet Ups for Young Professionals” to “Silver Seniors Breakfast Club.”

And more than that, the people you meet won’t know for sure that you truly understand their priorities and the challenges they face.

But if you tell me your target marketing is “Baby boomers who are getting serious about retirement plans” that paints a whole different picture.

Your email marketing can contain articles with specific advice for someone in that age range.
You will use images that baby boomers relate to.
The background music at your educational events will be Creedence Clearwater and Van Morrison.
Your prospects will know you understand their needs and priorities.

I have a client who owns a retail store selling environmentally friendly baby products, everything from diapers to soaps, to toys, to strollers. She knows her customers inside out. Though they come from hugely diverse socio-economic backgrounds, they have one common value: green! They believe their children are safer with environmentally friendly products.

The store owner knows their values, knows what they think, and what they believe.
She knows what they read and where they show up.
She’s built a huge following on social media and has a loyal and growing customer base.

Close your eyes and open your mind

Right now, close your eyes and envision your three most profitable customers. These three people will typify the three IDEAL market segments you want to attract. Create a Persona (like a caricature) for each one – yes, give them a name. Create a background story for each of them.

If you don’t already know this information, then find out more about who your customers are, beyond their relationship to you. Then use this information to clearly define your target market. And use THAT information to make your marketing decisions.

Because…just like me and my hair, you just can’t please everyone.

P.S. So, I’m not really obsessed with my hair, I promise, but…I’d really like your opinion. Not that I do polling to make sure I please people or anything like that. I mean, I’m my own person. I have to please myself first, right? But still, if you’d like to vote on which hair style you like best, just leave a comment :)!

Spiky

Smooth

A Tribute to Women Entrepreneurs: Celebrate National Entrepreneurs Week!

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Last month my fair city endured a nasty ice storm, complete with bitter cold temperatures. Though not as hard hit as other cities caught in this polar blast, we still had tree limbs falling on roofs and blocking streets, and plenty of car crashes. Schools, churches and businesses closed down.

With the roads that dangerous, I had to reschedule a meeting of twelve women business owners. I phoned each of them to arrange a new date.

Guess where I found most of them?

Eleven out of twelve were at work! The only one at home has three small children and school was cancelled.

Some had no electrical power at their office and were working by candlelight, bundled up in quilts!

Apart from being concerned for their safety, I have to say I was both amused and inspired.

The situation made profoundly clear to me the mentality of the small business owner: we have work to do and the show must go on. We have clients who need us, we have promises to keep, and we have employees who depend on us.

Some women entrepreneurs run businesses that must operate, regardless of weather, 365 days a year, twenty four hours a day.

During the storm, I talked with the owner of a home health and hospice business. Though the power at her office went out, her business did not miss a beat. “We saw every patient we could get to,” she told me. “Our first priority is patient care and we can’t let the weather stop us.”

Another women owns a CPA firm. Her clients had payroll and tax deadlines to meet. “We have to be there for them,” she said. “We have to get these computers up and get to work.” She quickly borrowed two generators and bought another. She needed three to generate enough power to run the heat, the lights, and ten computers.

I’m convinced that women entrepreneurs share some sort of common DNA, despite their diverse backgrounds, personality types and skills. This DNA is what people in the horse industry call “heart.”

Thoroughbred breeders tell you that a horse with heart has this rare combination of energy and courage. It won’t give up, won’t quit, no matter what the challenge.

Heart has nothing to do with the size, beauty or pedigree of the horse. It’s an internal quality — a generosity of spirit that compels it to keep trying, to master the challenge no matter the effort.

Women business owners have heart!

That’s why I’m happy to see February 15—22, 2014 designated as National Entrepreneurs Week.

Entrepreneurs (men and women) don’t get nearly enough credit or validation for the courage it takes to fly without a net. We take for granted the tremendous pressure an entrepreneur feels for being responsible for the livelihoods of their employees and being responsible for the bottom line. Not to mention, their own families!

The women business owners I know are not greedy capitalists, thinking only of their own profits or how to get rich. They are driven by a genuine passion that even they can’t often find words to describe. They are determined to do an excellent job at whatever they do.

Their work ethic is unmatched.

Most people underestimate the diversity of expertise an entrepreneur needs – they have to be competent at an incredible variety of skills. Unlike large corporations that have specialized departments to handle specific responsibilities, women business owners have to be knowledgeable about everything — from accounting to employment law, from management to marketing, from technology to teamwork, from website design to strategic planning.

Keep an eye on your local media and I’ll bet you this: you’ll rarely see women entrepreneurs in the pages of your newspaper or featured in television interviews. They don’t often seek recognition. They humbly go about their daily lives, putting one foot in front other, doing the best they can to take care of their families, their customers and their employees.

I hope you’ll join me in taking this one week to appreciate and honor every woman entrepreneur you know (including yourself!) for the contribution she makes to her family, to her community and to the economy.

Here’s to you, women entrepreneurs! Take a bow.

Take care,

P.S.

My new book affirms the heart of women entrepreneurs, using metaphors and stories to teach new self-awareness and business skills.

Because every woman entrepreneur deserves to achieve HER version of success!

Be a connector! Learn to love networking

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Despite the fact that I’m an introvert (kind of weird for speaker and trainer, isn’t it?), I’m a darn good networker.

But I didn’t start out that way…I had to learn.

In those early years, networking events seemed like a bunch of sales people trying to sell each other stuff. It felt like some people showed up as birds of prey, waiting to swoop down on a vulnerable target.

I didn’t want to be one of those!

So I learned to shift my approach to networking, and now it’s enjoyable.

Now, people call me a “Connector.” I know a lot of people and have a knack for spotting opportunities and seeing synergies.

So when I was asked to speak about Networking to the Business School students at a local university, I happily said yes.

As I gathered my thoughts about what to share with them, I figured I might as well make a short video and share that with you.

Learn what networking is really about (hint: it’s not about selling) and how to make it more comfortable and effective for YOU.

Take care,

P.S. I love to remember the words of Maya Angelou when I think about networking! “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”