Try this fun experiment with me. 

Clasp your hands in front of you.  Notice which thumb is on top, and which pinky is on the outside. 

Now release your hands and clasp them again, only this time put the opposite thumb on top and the opposite pinky on the outside. 

It feels weirdly strange and unfamiliar, doesn’t it?

You can try the same thing by crossing your arms.  For me, my left arm automatically goes on top and I really have to work at crossing my arms with my right arm on top.   

Did you have as much trouble with that as I did? 

We are creatures of habit.  We all have things that we’ve done for years, without thinking about it.  There’s no “right or wrong” to it, it’s just what comes naturally.

When it comes to running your business, I bet there are things you’ve done a certain way for a long time.  But as our business grows, we need to grow with it.  And that means we need to do things differently.

That can feel very strange and uncomfortable.  Old habits are hard to break. 

One of the most difficult things for women entrepreneurs to learn is this:  what got you here won’t get you there.  (Darn!)

In the start-up stage our businesses are typically… uh…shall we say, unstructured.  Meaning, we fly by the seat of our pants.  We have few systems, procedures or standardized processes.  We make things up as we go along. 

We also do most everything ourselves, at one point or another.  Depending on your industry, it’s common to know every single customer personally. 

You know exactly what to do, and you carry every detail around in your head.

That’s normal.  And appropriate for a start-up company.

But as your business grows, you get more employees involved – or maybe you out-source certain projects or projects to independent contractors.  You get more customers and there are more people involved in the process. 

Now, in this growth stage, sometimes the left hand doesn’t know what the right hand is doing.  Things get disorganized.  Things start to fall through the cracks. 

You have more people coming to you for answers and decisions.  They come to you because nothing is written down.  There are no standardized processes and procedures.  And they come to you because no one else can make a decision. 

Business is good, but life gets crazy.  You’re working harder just to keep up.

In this stage, it’s very common for the woman entrepreneur to do what she’s always done:  apply more steam, press harder on the gas pedal.  Meaning, work even harder.

Don’t.    

This is the very stage where you need to recall that little exercise of clasping your hands or folding your arms. 

Now is the time to remember:  what got you here won’t get you there. 

It’s time to change your leadership style.  And that can feel as strange and uncomfortable as deliberately crossing our arms with the “other” arm on top.

As our businesses grow, we need to grow too.  We have to learn new things, new ways of communicating.  We have to use new tools, new processes. 

Try this:  make a list of the five top skills and abilities that led you to where you are today.  Now ask yourself, what have you been resisting because it feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable?

Those things you are resisting could be exactly what your business needs right now. 

Change can feel strange and uncomfortable.  But that doesn’t mean change isn’t necessary. 

As our businesses grow, what we need most is the ability to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. 

Take care,

P.S.  Let’s have a conversation about this.  Tell me in the comments section below your top five strengths (and what you might be resisting!). 

Ready to learn more about How to Get Unstuck and Grow Your Business? Check out this FREE Business Assessment!  

I spent a wonderful half hour in the bookstore yesterday, to find a gift for a friend who loves to read.  As a book-lover, that was a lovely treat, to be surrounded by real books! 

I didn’t even mind the long line, and passed the time reading the magazine headlines.

• “3 Simple Tricks to Lose Ten Pounds”
• “Holiday Decorating Made Easy”
• “Five Quick Ideas to Perk Up Your Fall Wardrobe”

Simple. Easy. Quick.

Those are three of the most powerful marketing words used by publishers to sell magazines.  Because in our busy lives, that’s what we’ve come to desire – simple, easy and quick solutions.

In our new Twitter world, we want our answers in 140 characters. 

When it comes to our own marketing, most of us wish for a quick fix, a simple solution, an easy formula.  Better yet, a magic bullet (or am I the only one?) 

I don’t have a magic bullet for you, and I can’t say this in 140 characters.  But...I do have one practical, powerful recommendation that can help you maximize your marketing time and dollars. 

• Create a report of all your customers for the last three years.
• Sort your list by volume & look at the top 20% of your customers
• What do they have in common? (Industry?  Stage of life?  Geography?  Belief system?  Specific needs?  Lifestyle?  Economic status?)

Now you have good picture of your target market – your most likely customers.  These are the people you most want to reach in your marketing efforts.

How can you capitalize on this knowledge?  What does this information tell you?  How can you use what you learned to reach these most likely customers right now?

This exercise you just completed is the first step toward creating a well-defined marketing plan. 

Marketing is a challenge for most women entrepreneurs I know, consuming more time and money than they really want to devote.

If that’s the case for you, check out our new e-course, coming up this Friday.  (And if not, congratulations! Please share this idea with a friend who does need help with her marketing.)

No, it’s not a quick fix.  (Sorry, I hate to burst your bubble but most quick fixes don’t work.)  But if you’ll invest the time to learn this process, I guarantee you’ll make smarter marketing decisions, save time and money and increase your sales.

45-minute E-Course “Become a Marketing Superstar!  How to Create a Marketing Plan Guaranteed to Increase Sales”

Our online course will teach you a deep and thoughtful process to help you target your most likely customers and reach them with the most effective methods and the right message.

Best of all, you get a 12-page marketing plan template, completely customizable to your business.

 

 

Take care,

 

P.S.  As with all my training, I offer a 100% money-back satisfaction guarantee. 

I don’t know about you, but to be honest, sometimes I’ve given more thought about what to eat for dinner than I did to choosing a vendor.  (That might say a lot about how important food is to me!)

Owning a business is hard.  You cover a lot of ground. 

Marketing, sales, operations, bookkeeping, technology, taxes, customer service, branding, material development, legal, human resources, insurance.  Let’s not forget social media, which may be “free” but has taken on a life of its own. 

You may not be the size of General Motors, but you still have the same general functions to accomplish as the big guys.    You don’t have the resources of time and money that are available to GM.

So what do you do?  You outsource, hire independent contractors.  You use vendors.

As small business owners, we need great attorneys, CPA’s, marketing consultants, insurance agents and financial planners.  We need them to respect our time and our budgets.

Those choices can be just as critical as hiring your top employee.  Yet we don’t often think about the factors that go in to those decisions.

I confess, I’ve made some big mistakes when choosing vendors.  An attorney that didn’t properly think through a contract (not you Dan).  A cloud-based software that was unreliable.  A virtual assistant that didn’t share my … uh, perfectionism.

Those bad decisions cost money, not to mention the wasted time and opportunity cost.  Sometimes they cause heartache.  Ouch.

Female entrepreneurs are busy women!  We often make quick choices because it’s expedient – we don’t have a lot of time to kill. 

We meet someone at a networking event – they’re in an industry we just happen to need.  What a stroke of luck! That person becomes our social media consultant, our financial planner, our insurance agent.

Did we really give those decisions enough thought?

Think about it.  We rely on our vendors for expert advice, for their wisdom in areas we’d rather not even think about.  We trust them with our most private information.

I think it’s time we give nearly as much thought to choosing our vendors as we do to choosing spouses or partners!  (Maybe more?)

Next time you need to reach out to an outside source – a vendor, an independent contractor, a consultant – here are a few questions to ask yourself (and them):

• What do you know about their values?  Do they match yours?  “Tell me about how you work with your customers/clients…”
• Is their work style compatible with yours?  Do they like to get ahead of the curve and anticipate needs?  Are they flexible?  Do they do things at the last minute?    “Please describe for me how you see an ideal relationship working with your clients.”
• What do they really mean by “great customer service?”  “Would you please elaborate on what you mean by  great customer service?”
• Are they an expert in their field, on the leading edge, or just keeping up with the pace?  Check them out on LinkedIn.   “What do you do to keep up with trends and changes in your field?”
• Do they really understand your industry and your business model?  “How many clients have you worked with in my industry?”
• Get references.  And call them.  Ask the references very specific questions, like, “Can you give me an example of how this firm went above and beyond for you?”

Be your own Matchmaker.  Have a clear understanding of what YOU want and what YOU need.  Then start asking deeper questions.

Listen to the answers to see if they match your needs.  You’ll have a much better idea about compatibility. It may take a little more time on the front end, but will save you time and money in the long run.

 Now…what’s for dinner?

 

This isn’t the list I started with.

On my first list I reached #9 and realized that every single thing was about doing “more.” Well, there’s just no more time or space for more, without moving something out, mentally and physically.

So here’s my revised list. For every “more” I have included I had to decide what I would do less of. It’s time to create some space!

MORE

1) Thinking bigger. I think I created neuropathways in my brain that cause me to travel down the same rutted roads. Time to get off road altogether and explore completely new territory. Breathe in fresh air and explore big possibilities.

2) Expected more. Related to #1. Expect more of myself and expect more from others. Not in a grueling way; maybe it’s more accurate to say expect different. Expect big things.

3) Asked more questions. Related to #1 and #2. I’m a big-picture thinker and I get slightly impatient when people ask me for details. The webs of connections in my brain are about concepts, not specifics. Consequently, I don’t ask others for specifics either. Not good. For example, my car has been in the body shop for three days. Did I ask, when I dropped it off, what day it would be ready? No. Minor detail overlooked. I was busy conceptualizing (probably about how I would come up with the deductible on the insurance claim!).

4) Listened to more music. Here’s a case of technology gone too far. My embarrassingly old CD player held only one CD. When you ask for a 10-disc CD play at an electronics store, they laugh at you. Music is digital now. So I put all my CD’s on iTunes. Now I have to go through seven steps just to play anything. I have to keep a sticky note inside my stereo cabinet to remember these steps. It’s just too much trouble. Hence, not enough music in my world. I’m going back. Once CD at a time is better than no music at all.

5) Planning. 2012 was definitely a year of action. While some planning took place, I like the idea of looking a year ahead and deciding what outcomes I want, then making a list each week of what will move me in that direction.

LESS

1) Perfectioneering. No, that’s not a typo. I just made up that new word. And seeing that red line under it — the clue that it won’t pass muster with my spelling and grammar checker andndash; will grate on me no end. I’m a perfectionist about trying to make things perfect. I’m sure it’s cost me laughter, gray hairs, wasted time and fewer blog posts (they weren’t perfect). Just the fact that I used that word is a step in the right direction.

2) Shopping. I confess, I have more shoes and purses than I’ll ever use! And I justified it all, saying I was doing my part to help the economy!

3) Eating. My excuse is the trip to Argentina, where half the country is Italian and the other half eats beef at every meal. The trend can’t continue into 2013. Enough said.

4) Worrying. I like to think I’m not a worrier. I like to think I’m looking at all the options, considering all the ramifications, all the possibilities. But there’s a tipping point where pondering turns into ruminating, which turns into worrying.

5) Rationalizing. Inventing excuses for all the things I didn’t do enough of (see above!) and inventing imaginary justifications for all the things I did too much of.

2012 has been a good year, one that brought many travels, a few long-anticipated accomplishments and new territory to explore. I wonder what my 2013 will look like when I put this list in motion. I’ll let you know next December!

In the meantime, what’s your reflection on 2012? What do you wish you’d done more of or less of?

Two months ago, when Mary Melon asked me to give a leadership workshop at the Woman of the Year Forum last week, I knew immediately what I wanted to talk about.

“Mary, this is a touchy subject, but sometimes women lose leadership credibility by criticizing other women.” I said. “I think we can address this, but it’s risky.”

“I love it,” Mary said. “I’ve wanted to talk about this for ten years. Let’s do it.”

It’s sad but true. Sometimes women talk trash about other women. Let’s fess up. I’ve done it. You’ve done it.

Someone we know or work with gets ambitious and we say, “She thinks she’s better than us.” A woman shows up looking a little “refreshed” or younger, and the whispers begin. “You think she’s had some work done?”

Last weekend I saw a panel discussion with five female journalists who are covering the 2012 election cycle.  Their conversation turned to how difficult it is for women in politics. Why? Because of the criticism. And that criticism comes from women.

Most of the criticism has nothing to do with the candidates’ policy positions or experience. It’s about their hair, their clothes, their weight. I’ve heard it called “The Three H’s; Hair, Hemlines and Husbands.”

I was especially pained to hear one journalist say that her high school daughter told her, “Mom, girls won’t run for student council offices. They’re afraid other girls will post ugly comments on their Facebook pages.” Comments about who they’re dating, their clothes, their appearance.

Our daughters learned this from us. Ouch!

Gossiping and finding fault with other women causes a deep lack of trust. Nothing is more damaging to our reputation as professional women.

We can do better. We can develop a deeper self awareness of what causes our behavior by learning about the concepts of shadow and projection, developed by Carl Jung.

Our shadow is the part of our unconscious mind that we deny and repress. In simple terms, we reject in others what we reject or can’t accept in ourselves. We see and attribute both negative and positive qualities to others that we can’t acknowledge in ourselves.

Here’s another way to think about it: When another person exhibits behaviors that really annoy or repel us, we either have those same behaviors or qualities and are blind to them, or, we don’t have them and could use a little more of that quality.

The shadow and projection are defense mechanisms. We resort to defense mechanisms when we feel scared, hurt, vulnerable, jealous or threatened in any way.

So when someone really pushes our buttons we know we are seeing at least part of our shadow.

Once we recognize that what irritates us in others has more to do with US than THEM, we’ll stop talking badly about each other. We can learn to intercept that process early and often andndash; before we let those damaging little comments slip out of our mouths. Here’s how:

• Think of a woman that annoys you (it might be me right now!). What behaviors or traits does she have that you find annoying or irritating?
• Look deepandhellip;can you find similar andndash; or opposite andndash; characteristics any place in yourself? Or can you see that you might have “disowned” those traits?
• How can you grow by accepting or integrating this rejected part of yourself? By healing what caused you to reject that part of yourself?

Once you look a little deeper and embrace what you have disowned, you’ll find your anger, irritation or resentment diminishes. You may never be “best friends forever” with this women, but you’ll be able to detach emotionally and not let her get under your skin. You may even find compassion for her.

Understanding and embracing our shadow can help reduce or remove the urge to find fault with other women. If we’re finding fault with them, we’re REALLY finding fault with ourselves.

When you feel yourself about to gossip, criticize or find fault with another woman, use these four simple steps:

• Mind your tongue andndash; don’t say a word
• Ask yourself, “What behaviors, attitudes, or qualities irritate me?”
• Reflect deeply & find similar or opposite traits in yourself
• Embrace what you have disowned

I appreciated Mary’s courage to address this touchy topic with the best and the brightest women.

Please join us in a commitment to be good role models for our daughters, nieces, and granddaughters by putting an end to gossip and finding fault with other women.

The world needs all the passion, power and goodness in you. I hope you’ll embrace that passion and use it to affirm, support and encourage other women.