As women, we want others to see us as understanding, compassionate and fair, right?
Powerful? Don’t go there.
Fearful of perceptions and stereotypes, even the strongest women sometimes perceive power as being negative. Anxious we’ll be labeled as demanding or hard to please, we often feel hesitant to assume appropriate power.
I’ve seen women walking on eggshells with their staff, or nearly held hostage by employees, fearful of articulating responsibility and expecting accountability. I’ve seen women make excuses for employees who do not live up to expectations, don’t produce enough or simply do mediocre work while the company suffers and the bar gets lowered for everyone on the team.
I’ve seen women taken advantage of by vendors, contractors, even clients who are tough negotiators.
We’re raised to be nice girls. We don’t want to make waves. The result? Because power can be scary, we abdicate and give away our legitimate power in ways we can’t even see. We struggle with setting limits, expressing expectations and taking care of own needs.
I think we develop this negative association of power from what we see in movies, literature, television or in the news. Power is dramatized or heightened to get headlines and top ratings. We only notice power when it’s overused, misused or abused.
When power is appropriately used, it’s often invisible.
So we avoid our power, until we come face to face with the reality that we have given away our genuine power, settled for someone else’s version of what we should or shouldn’t do, or behave as though we have no choice.
When we abdicate our power, we create a vacuum of leadership, without recognizing that our team members and staff would respect a more assertive, confident position.
What’s the answer? My best lessons about authentic, appropriate power didn’t come from business books or business training. My best education about power came from … horses!
When I finally learned to ride, at the ripe age of forty, I learned that in every herd of horses, there is a dominant horse, the horse recognized to be in charge. This horse is always a mare. She’s known as the Alpha Mare.
Her duty is to tend to the safety and well-being of the entire herd. She signals the entire when to move, sleep, eat, drink or run for safety. She disciplines unruly youngsters, teaching them respectful behavior.
The Alpha Mare has a great responsibility; the herd depends on her to make wise choices and enforce reasonable rules. The entire herd looks to her for leadership, structure and discipline.
Alpha Mares don’t squirm over their legitimate power and they don’t worry about what the other horses think of them. They certainly don’t try to avoid or give away their power.
They embrace their power. They lead.
How can we be more like the wise Alpha Mares?
First, we can to shift our perception of power from negative to positive. We can and let go of the fear of what others think of us, express our expectations and get comfortable setting limits and boundaries. We can use our power to lead.
As business leaders, we have the power to facilitate teamwork, to inspire employees to discover their talents and pursue their dreams. We have the power to influence others, to lead others to achieve what they might not accomplish otherwise. We have the power to create jobs and to improve our communities.
Power isn’t bad — abuse of power is.
It’s an honor to be like the Alpha Mare! Embrace your power and use it for the greater good.
