Early last week I looked at my calendar and saw a rare phenomenon: five days in a row, with almost no appointments or meetings. That never happens! So I seized the opportunity and on the spur of the moment scheduled a personal retreat.

I drove to a retreat center six hours away — convertible top down, stereo volume up. Wind blowing in my hair and sun warming my skin. The drive alone was therapeutic.

I spent five glorious days in almost total silence, completely unplugged. No phone calls, no technology, no data base, no spreadsheets, no Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, no texts, no emails, no TV, no news. Nothing short of a miracle to accomplish that complete disconnect!

Each day I took long walks. I practiced my yoga poses in the grass on top of a hill. Spent lots of time in reflection, meditation, journaling and prayer. I even took naps!

I had forgotten it was possible to live without a Blackberry in my hand and a BlueTooth in my ear.

The surprising thing? Life went on fine without me. The world did not come to a crashing halt because I was not participating. Although I heard that the stock market took a tumbleandhellip;do you think that’s because I wasn’t working?

Professional women’s live have become a continuous stream of frenzied movement. We live by our calendars and to-do lists. We compulsively organize and create efficiencies so that we can put even more on our lists!

We are cramming so much into every moment of the day that even the few things we do for ourselves andndash; a pedicure or massage here or there andndash; become one more item to check off our lists. We become mechanized and automated.

But every now and then we need to still the waters and see who is living in this skin.

I’m glad I did. (I think my friends are glad I did too!) When I left I felt as dry as our soil that became so parched from the summer heat. Each day away brought a fresh blanket of dew, the moisture I needed to rehydrate.

I returned to my office today refreshed and energized. I was so happy that on the drive to work I wanted to wave and smile at other drivers in traffic.

As this summer comes to a close and fourth quarter goals stare us in the face, I hope you too will take a time out andndash; unplug, disconnect and spend some time with yourself.

Still the waters.

Three weeks ago, I led a group of women business owners on a professional development retreat.

After our three hour drive, we arrived at the resort about 5:00. Everyone wanted to stretch their legs and freshen up, so we agreed to meet in the lounge at 5:30 for a glass of wine before dinner.

The attractive lounge was downstairs and had a painted concrete floor, high ceilings and big glass windows that looked out over the pool (sounds lovely, doesn’t it?). Though it wasn’t crowded, the first thing we noticed as we gathered at our table was the noise level. All the hard surfaces made for lots of women saying, “What? I can’t hear you.” It was kind of hard to start the female bonding mood when we couldn’t near each other.

It took 40 minutes to get our drinks, which, by the way, were not exactly complicated Caribbean concoctions. Just beer and wine. Twice we asked our waitress to check on our order. She gave us a helpless look. Frustrated, I went directly to the bartender to ask for our drinks. He shrugged and told me he was very busy. Thanks.

Our plan for a relaxing weekend of learning and self care was off to a dubious start.

Things went downhill from there. Our dinner was marginal. One woman asked for cocktail sauce for her fried shrimp and the waiter brought her one of those little paper cups of catsup! The breakfast buffet was abundant but the eggs and sausage were cold. Our lunch the following day took 45 minutes to arrive. Even the afternoon chocolate cookies were bad. I didn’t know it was possible to make bad chocolate cookies!

The only thing that saved the weekend from being a complete disaster was the service staff, who were exceptionally kind and made every effort to compensate for the kitchen problems.

My clients were good sports, and didn’t let it ruin their weekend. Though there were plenty of little disparaging remarks about the venue, they enjoyed our workshop and one another’s company. But I doubt any of them will be planning their family vacations there!

I was anxious beyond words. As the leader, it’s my job to make sure my clients have a good experience. Worse, I had a second group going to this same location two weeks later. I’d made the arrangements months in advance and couldn’t bail out of the contract without a huge penalty.

What a dilemma. I wanted to minimize the second group’s expectations, yet I didn’t want to tell them about the problems, because I thought that would plant negative expectations andndash; and you get what you expect. So I simply reminded them it would be a “casual weekend.” How’s that for diplomacy.

But here’s what’s interesting. The second group had a much better experience.

Why? Had the resort replaced the bartender with someone who could multi-task faster? Had they fired the chef? Well, “chef” is a stretch; let’s just say “cook.”

No, the quality of the food was no better. The breakfast buffet was no warmer. Our lunch did arrive more promptly. The service was equally attentive.

You know what made the difference? Knowing that the lounge downstairs, with the high ceilings and concrete floor, was noisy and crowded, I chose a different location for the group to meet for their pre-dinner happy hour. It was a quiet room with a great view, and our service was perfect.

The entire trip started off on a much better note. The group had a much better experience. For my first group, that awful first impression in the lounge, taking 40 minutes to get our drinks and a waitress that didn’t take the service seriously, colored our impressions of everything that followed.

Making a good first impression matters. We might think that the importance of making a good first impression is shallow. After all, there’s much more to who we are and who our companies are than a first impression.

That’s true. Yet making a good first impression is where the trust begins. When a customer makes a decision to use your service or your product, they do so with a degree of trust.

You want your brand to be trusted. The true meaning of the word “brand” is “trust with the marketplace.” The more trust customers feel, the more they buy and they more they refer others.

On our first retreat, the negative first impression my group had damaged their trust and they were skeptical of everything that followed. The second group had a good first impression and everything that followed simply felt better. They weren’t expecting the worst. They had trust.

andcopy; 2011 Darcie Harris

I grew up in southern California, about an hour inland from the great beaches at Newport and Laguna. The rite of passage for teens in my part of the world was to get your drivers license the day you turned 16, then load up your car with friends and head to the beach.

That’s how we all spent our summer weekends — at the beach. We listened to rock and roll on our transistor radios. We slathered our skin with a combination of baby oil and iodine, to get that perfect color tan. We sprayed lemon juice in our hair, because it was supposed to give us natural blond highlights.

But going to the beach wasn’t really about getting a tan, and it certainly wasn’t about swimming. It was about meeting boys.

I was a good swimmer and enjoyed a brisk dip in the Pacific. But most of my girlfriends didn’t go in the water much. Why? Because if the point of going to the beach was to meet boys, you didn’t want to do that with wet hair.

One late summer day, I broke the first rule of water sports. Tired of being hot and sticky (and not having met any cute boys), I went for a swim–alone.

I swam out a ways, kicked around just enough to cool off and looked back to shore. I had a hard time seeing where my friends were perched on their beach towels.

I started swimming toward the beach, kicking and stroking until I was out of breath, but it seemed like I was getting nowhere. I swam harder, until my legs and arms burned. Exhausted, I tread water for a minute, to rest and once again check my bearings. Nothing on the beach looked familiar.

What I did see was the lfeguard station. Flapping on top was a red flag. That flag meant riptide.

Now I was a little scared. I realized i was caught in a strong undercurrent that was pulling me farther out and father down the beach, no matter how hard I swam.

Once again, I began swimming hard and once again I wore out. As I tread water, a large wave tossed me around and when I surfaced, strangely I ended up next to a young man in the water. Yes, one of those cute boys we’d love to meet. But not this way!

And you know what I did? I very politely asked if I could just rest on his arm for a minute. Now here I am, drowning, and still too prideful to ask for what I needed, which was to be towed to shore, even if I would definitely look like a un-cool.

My rest was brief because another wave separated us. And after another hard swim toward the beach and getting nowhere, I finally did what any sane person would have done 30 minutes earlier. I waved my tired arms and yelled for help. The lifeguards, trained to look for fools like me, spotted me, and a big hunk of a guy came out to rescue me.

I learned an important lesson that day: working hard doesn’t always get you where you want to go. Working harder isn’t always the answer.

Sometimes you have to ask for help. Sometimes you have to admit you’re not Superwoman. Darn, I hate it when that happens!

Sometimes, it’s time for a new strategy.

Working with female business owners, I see many women just like me. When the going gets tough, they apply more steam, more will power. When a problem arises, they work harder to solve it. They work until they are exhausted.

The most important thing we need to learn on business is HOW to solve the problems and challenges we face. Working harder isn’t always the answer.

If you are in the weeds (well, not if, but when), instead of applying more steam, do the counterintuitive thing. Back up and take the longer view.

President Eisenhower said, “Sometimes when we can’t solve a problem, we have to make it bigger.” He wasn’t really trying to create huge problems. What he meant was, we have to look at the bigger picture to get a broader perspective.

Look for the “solution after next” which, in chess, is called down-board thinking. The players think three or four moves ahead. Can you skip over a short-term fix and jump to a longer term solution?

Call in the lifeguard. Ask for help from someone who is experienced and wise. Reach out to people you trust. Sit down over a cup of coffee or lunch and talk it over.

Brainstorm, look for creative options and consider them all. Don’t get stuck in assuming you have to do things like you’ve always done them.

Maybe it’s time to write your own job description...work at the highest and best use of your skills!

Above all, get honest with yourself about your fears. It’s your fears that keep you stuck. I literally nearly drowned in my fear of looking weak or un-cool.

When your arms and legs are burning, when you’re out of breath, working harder may not be the answer. Its time for a new strategy.

And never swim alone.

On my way home from the office I dashed into the drugstore for what I thought would be a quick in-and-out. Au contraire. Six people waited in line of me, while one lone clerk worked at the register.

I briefly considered turning around and going right back out again. But I became fascinated watching this solitary clerk handle this stressful situation.

He cheerfully apologized to those of us waiting, at the same time he completed a complicated transaction at the register. As he rang up each customer, he greeted every new person who came in with a warm “Welcome!” and told each person who left, “Have a great evening!”

Two young men came in carrying backpacks and without missing a beat he welcomed them and told them they would have to leave their backpacks at the front counter. He worked quickly, with a cheerful smile, and looked directly at those of us in line.

He was a one-man band of great customer service!

He was alone in a stressful situation. He could have easily shrugged and said to himself, “What do I care if a few customers come in without a welcome? They’ll never know the difference. Why should I care if a few items are shoplifted? My manager should have made sure I didn’t have to be here alone!”

Instead he single-handedly carried out several roles at once andndash; greeter, cashier, customer service clerk, and security guard andndash; all with a genuine smile.

As I left the store, I knew several of my clients would love to have him work for them!

The most common complaint I hear from women business owners is that employees don’t show the initiative or the enthusiasm this man showed.

They act like they don’t care.

So how do we get employees that work with the kind of spirit the drug store clerk has?

1) Be clear about your expectations. Before you hire, make a list of your expectations for that position, in addition to the responsibilities. Be completely honest with yourself. One position may need someone who is fun-loving, flexible, cheerful, and creative. Another may require someone who is quiet, likes to work alone, gets every detail right. Be clear about what you need.

2) Interview carefully. Don’t reveal so much about the position that the candidate thinks they know the “right” answer. Ask questions that draw out the candidate’s true behavior and attitude. Instead of asking, “Are you good at customer service?” ask, “Tell me about a time when you had customers waiting. What was that like for you?” Instead of asking, “We’re busy around here–do you like to be busy?” ask, “Tell me about your perfect work environment.” Keep probing until you get more than a vague answer, like, “I’m a people person.” Ask questions and let them reveal who they are. If you don’t hear the answers you need, don’t invent attributes for the candidate that they don’t have. My favorite life coach Mary Tucker says, “When people tell you who they are, believe them!.”

3) Don’t settle. Period. If you have nagging doubts, listen to yourself. Yes, it’s difficult to have a position unfilled. Yes, it’s time consuming to interview multiple candidates. But as my recruiter friend Chuck Smith says, “Never hire from a candidate pool of one.” Don’t adopt “stray cat” employees.

4) Be specific. If you expect employees to be cheerful under stress, to juggle multiple tasks, to give Ritz Carlton customer service, tell them what that looks like and sounds like. Instead of saying “Dress professionally,” tell them “No tank tops and no flip flops.” Instead of saying, “Give customers great service,” tell them “All customer calls are returned within two hours.”

5) Coach and correct as you go along. Don’t wait for a performance review to give feedback. As one of my clients said, “Have every crucial conversation within 24 hours.” Address problems is when you see them, not months later. Employees are either unable to do the job or unwilling to do the job. If they are unable, they might be teachable. If they are unwilling, move on.

6) Appreciate the behavior you want to see. One simple fact: people continue behavior that’s reinforced. Let your employees know when you see them doing the right thing. Appreciate their effort and say “thank you” or “good job” when they handle something well.

Employees can’t read our minds (thank goodness!) Don’t assume that your definition of “good service” is the same as theirs. If you want employees who care about your business, you have to be clear about our expectations and what that behavior looks like.

Here’s hoping all of your employees have the same spirit and work ethic as the drug store clerk!

If youandlsquo;re alive and breathing, you are hearing plenty about the federal budget right now. And deficits. And state budgets. And more deficits.

Even the optimistic optimists would agree it’s not a good situation.

I’m constantly surprised at how few business owners actually prepare a budget. Maybe we only associate the word with bad news, and then avoid it.

But don’t let all that dreary deficit talk turn you off to the entire subject of budgeting. Avoiding a budget for your business can get you into the kind of trouble our state and federal governments are in. In the business world, deficits are called “losing money!”

Not good.

Check out these eleven simple tips to get you in the mood:

1. Your budget is your friend (really!). The purpose of a budget is to guide you to spending your money intentionally. Done right, it will help you see where you might be overspending and under-spending.
2. Put your money where your goals are. Your budget should reflect allocating resources in areas that will lead to your goals. It’s not just a replication of how you spent money last year.
3. Don’t overcomplicate it. Keep it simple so that the people who use it can understand it.
4. Your budget is a living document (like your strategic plan!). It’s not going to do you any good if you never look at it and compare actual income & expense to what you planned. Track your performance monthly and see where you need to adjust.
5. It’s not etched in stone. It’s numbers in a spreadsheet, and can be changed. If you see trends as you go through the year, you can modify your budget. (For example, right now gas prices are rising. How will your budget need to be adjusted?)
6. Select your method. A top-down approach means you use last year’s numbers and increase or decrease as your goals and plans dictate. Or you can apply a certain percentage increase or decrease if the specific line items from last year reflect your current strategy. With a zero-based approach you start from zero and add on what you will need for the coming year. If your business model or strategy has changed significantly, this is the method to use.
7. Plan A and Plan B. As we’ve all seen, the economy can be unpredictable. Be prepared and have a budget that reflects less than optimal conditions, along with a more optimistic forecast.
8. Garbage in, garbage out. Your budget is only as good as the data you entered into it. Good recordkeeping and accurate bookkeeping are essential. It’s time to get organized and keep good financial files. If you need help setting up a system, it’s worth every penny to have a professional bookkeeper or CPA help you get it set up.
9. Do a cash flow budget. The first rule of business is: Never run out of cash! A cash flow projection details the amount of cash you collect and pay out. For young businesses, plan on doing a rolling sixteen week projection. In this budget, you track your anticipated sales and income from other sources and contrast those numbers against how much you expect to pay in labor, supplies, and other expenses.
10. Plan your capital budget. The capital budget helps you figure out how much money you need to put in place new equipment or procedures to launch new products or increase production or services. This budget estimates the value of capital purchases you need for your business to grow and increase revenues.
11. Inc Magazine offers a variety of tools and templates (some free, some paid) to help with budgeting, sales forecasting, and cash flow projection. Go to: http://bit.ly/g2JTMs

Now you’re ready!

Carve out a couple of hours to yourself and start by exporting your previous year’s income and expense statement to an Excel spreadsheet. Work with the numbers in Excel and when your budget is ready (no deficits!) plug the line item totals into your financial software.

Voila! You’ll have a budget! Remember, it’s just adding and subtracting. Don’t make it harder than it is.

Tornados are part of the standard fare of springtime in Oklahoma. Truthfully, most of the people I know get a bit desensitized to the tornado warnings.

Me too. But sometimes we get a wake-up call.

A colleague of mine was driving back to Oklahoma City from the south part of the state when the warning sirens went off. Listening to the radio, she could follow the storm’s track.

She thought she was driving right into it, so she turned around and went the opposite way.

Then the storm changed directions. She turned again. And again. Turns out there were multiple potential funnel clouds, going in various directions.

Having grown up here, she instinctively looked for the safest place to pull off the interstate and park: lowest level, away from power lines.

That’s when she spotted a farmhouse, and ended up on the porch of a total stranger, asking if she could join them in their storm shelter.

It’s one thing to knock on a neighbor’s door and ask to borrow a cup of sugar. It’s another thing altogether to ask a person you’ve never met if they can keep you safe during a storm.

There are many “tornados” in the business world, things that threaten our safety.

Customers’ needs change, financing options become limited, technology fails (always when we need it most!), marketing efforts wither, key employees leave (and become your competitors), even good news like record-breaking sales put a strain on the system.

How comfortable are you asking for help when you need it? How do you know if you have become desensitized to the “storm warnings?”

Every business person needs a support system. Smart business leaders get their support system in place before the warning sirens go off.

Help is all around you. Look for people with the experience, connections and perspective that you may lack within your company. Here’s a short list of ten external resources you can turn to:

• Management consultants
• HR consultants
• Financial consultants
• CPA’s
• Attorneys
• Bankers
• Peer advisory groups (like EWF andndash; okay, that was self-servingandhellip;)
• Business coaches
• Industry experts & trade associations
• Customer councils

When you have tough decisions to make, when you are lost in the weeds, when life goes off course, you need people who will challenge your thinking. You need people who are not desensitized to the “storm warnings” you may have overlooked because you live with them every day.

Whose porch do you end up on when you need help?