The text message arrived early New Year’s day. “N’attends pas que les événements arrivent comme tu le souhaites. Décide de vouloir ce qui arrive…et tu seras heureux.”
This was a New Year’s wish from a long-time client, a native of Switzerland, who enjoys sending messages in French as much as I love untangling them. This one translates as, “Do not expect that events arrive as you want. Decide you want what happens … and you shall be happy.”
In other words, choose happiness.
What makes the quote even more meaningful is that the original words were spoken by Epictetus, a Greek philosopher, who began life as a slave. (He’s perhaps best known as the guy who said, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen more than we speak.”)
I was touched by my client’s thoughtfulness and a bit surprised. This particular client is perhaps the most driven, most determined I’ve ever worked with. He (my only male client!) is a perfectionist, with very high expectations. I actually like that about him (most of the time), because he epitomizes what I so often try to teach women. Think big, and do not apologize for your ambitions.
Twenty-four hours later, I smiled with joy from start to finish as I watched the movie Sweet Dreams, set in Butare, a rural village in Rwanda. The country has made tremendous economic progress since the tragic genocide of 1994. Yet 85% of the people are subsistence farmers, so the struggle to survive and provide persists.
The movie tells the story of Rwanda’s first and only female drumming troupe, Ingoma Nshya. Dancing and drumming are beautiful traditions of the Rwanda’s people, but drumming was for men only — till now!
The drumming troupe is open to women from both sides of the genocide — the orphans, widows, wives and children of both victims and perpetrators.
The only requirement? They had to leave the categories of the past at the gate.
Kiki, the leader of the drumming troupe, tasted ice cream in another country. No such sweetness was part of Rwandan life! She decided to form a co-op and open Butare’s first ice cream shop. They named the shop Inzozi Nziza (Sweet Dreams).
I wish you could see how these women work together, side by side, making all decisions together. But more than anything I wish you could see the joy on their faces as they drum and dance.
These remarkable women have made a choice. They chose forgiveness. They chose happiness.
These two random events — the text message from a client and the movie the next day — had a powerful effect on me as they worked their way through my mind and my heart and wove themselves together.
Just last week I grumbled about having to pay the plumber $250 to fix leaky faucets. The prior week I whined about losing tree limbs in the ice storm. And yet I have a comfortable, warm home, plenty to eat, more clothes and shoes than I can wear in a year and the freedom to choose what I want to do and how I feel.
So the universe offered me a little gift of serendipity this year, saying one thing: choose happiness.
Feel all your feelings, but don’t get stuck there. It’s okay to feel disappointed, but move on. It’s okay to feel discouraged, but try again. It’s okay to feel angry, but let it go. Choose happiness.
So as we enter this shiny new year, join me in remembering the former slave who used his experience to become a philosopher. Join me in learning from the women of Rwanda who left the past behind and now blaze new trails together. Join me in forgiving and feeling grateful.
Let’s choose happiness. Pick up your drum and dance.
Take care,
